Little did I know that Cracked Magazine, the Battlestar Galactica to Mad’s Star Wars, was still around. This makes me happy, and makes me think of how I was just as glad to find a waterlogged copy of Cracked behind my junior high school as Playboy. This also puts me in legal hot water, as I just swiped the title of Cracked’s letters column. Oh well. What have they done for me lately?*
This, America’s Most Beloved Porn Commentary Site, has undergone some major changes in the past week. Here are some questions sent in by concerned site regulars.
Q. The fuck are you not updating as much?
A. I’ve been preparing for the convention with strict Shinto rituals that prevent blogging during the day. Also, I’ve been in prison.
Q. I read on *another site* that GramPonante.com had been purchased. Are you about to become like everyone else?
A. If everyone else has trouble eating because of all the diamonds in his teeth, yes. If not, no. Nothing will change. Your mother and I still love you very much. It’s just that Daddy loves whores and absinthe more. I will continue editing this site; I will just be doing it on a solid gold computer.
Q. What do you stand for, Gram?
A. Exposing fake MILFs is my business, and business is good. Also: whores and absinthe.
Q. What is Jesse Jane’s real name?
A. Jesse Tiberius Jane.
*Also my New Year’s resolution in Hell
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