Pilgrim's Progress: "Fresh Off the Boat 3"

This Thanksgiving, it’s important to remember that, while the Pilgrims’ Puritan faith would not have allowed creampies, gangbangs, and sex outside of marriage, and while nationalities like “Guatemalan” or even “Japanese” would be incomprehensible to them, that their journey across the Atlantic in pursuit of religious freedom paved the way for graphic depictions of sex with foreigners. I don’t know how, but you know I’m right on this one.

Featuring interludes with the Japanese Sayuri and Sakura, as well as Eastern European (Not Otherwise Specified) Eva, and the exotic Guatemalan April Kelly, “Fresh Off the Boat 3” has everything one might want out of sex tourism, and its only crime is that there is no one named Squanto.

(Thanks to the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority for tastefully obscuring Sakura’s vagina; a Turnpike spokesman assures GramPonante.com that construction on this phase of the Big Dig will be completed by 2013.)