The triumph of the “Gene Simmons” sex tape is that, even though the dude in the video doesn’t really look like the Kiss buffoon, people believe that Simmons would be delusional enough to release such an unflattering movie, so it might be him after all.
See how it works? Simmons is meta all the way to the bank.
I think of Peter Criss’ “Beth”:
Beth, I hear you calling
But I can’t come home right now
(You see) Me and the boys are playing
And we just can’t find the sound (not surprising, considering it’s Kiss)
Just a few more hours
And I’ll be right home to you
I think I hear them calling –
Beth, what can I do?
It is tragic that the only useful member of that band was also incapable of having the balls to stay home with poor, long-suffering Beth. That he “thought” he heard the boys calling and then was spineless enough to ask for her advice only cements my opinion that proximity to Gene Simmons makes everyone abhorrent.
Everyone with a website has written about the purported Gene Simmons sex tape (AVN got it first) but no one has said it was good. The man’s partner refuses to kiss him – three times – and both look off to the left side of the bed, perhaps to see themselves in the monitor.
The radio plays power ballads by Foreigner and Steve Perry. Yes, you should’ve been gone.
But whether Simmons is good at what he does or not has never been the point. Meta celebrity means never having to be good at something.
So it seems that the only people forking over the 30 bucks to the Panama-based site hosting the tryst (allegedly) between Simmons and an Austrian (not Australian) sports drink spokesmodel are pundits, because nobody actually likes the movie, which is like the sexual equivalent of the Daniel Pearl video.
Then we get to wonder if the man in the video is actually Simmons, and with each speculation, somewhere money is accruing interest in someone’s offshore bank account.
Here is a Terry Gross interview with Simmons, in which the latter just sounds like an ass.
Listening to this broadcast reminds me of people in porn who, like Simmons, chuckle at their own well-rehearsed soundbites while their interviewers throw up a little in their mouths.
It’s such a train wreck that Yes, that might actually be Gene Simmons with that poor girl. Either that or a posthumous Wayne Newton.
(ADDENDUM: I contacted Jon Stevens, whose e-mail was provided as the administrative contact of the domain genessecret.com- thought the registrar was listed as Roberrto Rodriguez. Mr. Sevens said:
The man is gene simmons, the girl is one of Franks Energy drink’s girls, believed to be Elsa.
we believe gene has given permission to broadcast.) -emphasis added-
Calling Dr. Love (to Please Euthanize Us) – Fleshbot
See also: Gene’s Secret
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