As you are well aware, Behind the Scenes (BTS) featurettes are often better than the porn movies they accompany on the same DVD. This is because the lightning in a jar that is a porn girl is never better captured than when she is caught texting her boyfriend, naked, while casually fluffing Alex Sanders.
You can throw plots and scripts and costumes and meth and makeup and C Lights at a performer but that only serves to dull the brilliance of someone you know will have sex – for money – with – if not you – then someone who lives next to you in Van Nuys. It is difficult to figure this out if she’s dressed like a pirate. It is when she is pulling up to the studio parking lot with the dildo already inside her that you know this.
That is why director Richard de Montfort’s Strollin’ in the Colon is the porn movie of the future, because there is no movie at all. It is all about the green room labia shaving, bathroom preparations, and parking logistics of people like Harmony, Michelle Aston, Trinity Post, and Tyla Wynn. And then they all have sex in a room, almost as an afterthought.
“But Grams,” you say, “surely the feature isn’t dead.”
No, Trondra, it isn’t. But only when plot, direction, talent, and script match up perfectly will the porn feature cease to be anything but a disappointment. That is why we wait for my own It’s The Great Goo Goblin, Charlie Brown-eye (to be funded with an NEA grant early in the next administration) and literally appreciate the shit out of, in the meantime, noble postmodern efforts like Strollin’ in the Colon.
Read the review here.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Have a smoking Thanksgiving; The New Neighbors; Michelle Aston will eat your girlfriend like fried chicken
See also: Hustler
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist
