Strollin’ in the Colon

Studio: Hustler
Director: Richard de Montfort
Cast: Harmony, Michelle Aston, Tyla Wynn, Trinity Post, Cindy Crawford, Mae Victoria, Claudia Downs

“She has a fucking Sasquatch there,” says Tyla Wynn of the 1979-era pubic thatch of Michelle Aston in Strollin’ in the Colon, a horrifyingly graphic movie. “She needs to cut that shit.”

And Aston does.

While I am not a fan of gauzy, Vaseline-on-the-lens porn, there is something about the alternate use of pornic liquids, the clinical examination of gaping, and activities that would even make a mouth breather aware of their smell that makes me cringe. Strollin’ in the Colon is filled with such moments, and I couldn’t look away.

We begin with Michelle Aston’s shaving. Aston has never been a wallflower, and she would probably do anything if the camera had enough of an extension cord, or even if it didn’t. That the mohawked and utterly dirty MILF-to-be gamely razored her pubes in the preamble of this movie is an indicator of the unflinching footage to come. If that wasn’t fair warning enough, Wynn provides a preview of her anal capacity while still in the makeup chair.

Later, Wynn helps Aston with the shaving.

“This means if you knick a spot, I get to put my foot in your butt, right?” Aston asks. It’s a fair question.

It soon becomes apparent that the entire movie is a a behind the scenes featurette, making the BTS of Strollin’ in the Colon a double BTS.

de Montfort captures his performers arriving, Trinity Post with a dildo pre-inserted, Mae Victoria cleaning herself out.

“Is that your real asshole?” he asks.

“Yes.”

Another performer has just had a load blown on her face. de Montfort breaks the sacred fourth wall of porn and suggests:

“Scoop it into your mouth.”

The boxcover model and spiritual anchor of this movie is Harmony, who looks like the hot, no-nonsense dispatcher for an east coast trucking company.

“I’ve been anal since I was 15,” Harmony says. “I think I’ve got it down.”

The all-anal, all the time format gives me the heebie jeebies. That’s right, I said heebie jeebies. But because it is Hustler and there are a bunch of people around and the performers are talking to each other and to the camera while having sex, the atmosphere is one of a party rather than the standard low-budget gonzo movie where you can hear the director’s (mouth)breathing, sneakers squeaking on the floor, manually adjusting the lens, etc.

This makes the fact that you can hear the wind whistling through Harmony’s gaping anus a little more easy to take.

See the Strollin’ in the Colon gallery here.

Watch Strollin’ in the Colon Now.