“It would be pretty cool to chance upon Kimberly Kane in the neighborhood just walking her dog in that urbane floor-length getup of hers,” I thought. “Oh wait—I’m doing that right now.”

…So where is our “Rats in a maze, men in a cage” movie extrapolated from that quip in “Tango & Cash” and starring Katsuni in the porn version?

I didn’t get the impression at the time that this was an underhanded compliment. Especially since, when talking about boobs, it’s best to hold them underhanded.

“Milk Nymphos 3″ is really a movie for the rest of us. It says, “I’ll take your 1 Percent and shoot it out of my ass.”

The first MontagFoto of 2012 features ephemeral technology in the face of a strap-on dildo

April Flores and Carlos Batts, 2008

75 percent of these women aren’t even in porn anymore. Of the remaining 25 percent, 50 percent of her was blonde in 2006 and now 100 percent is not.

People should give Jimmy a quarter for each time they use “you can’t flunk out of porn” in conversation.

I look at two versions of “Sex World” shot 30 years apart.

I just needed to get a “Godfather 2″ reference out there or I would have felt like I hadn’t done my job.

How many times have you seen someone wringing his/her hands in a one-person show and thought, “Oh, just get laid already”?

“She does interracial, gangbangs, footjobs, handjobs, rimjobs, blowjobs, and bukkake; pre-ops, post-ops, snuff, and lingerie. She does cougar, MILF, GILF, and cosplay, scatporn, catporn, vampires, trampling, dogs and horses, escorts, water bondage, and DVDA. But I liked her when she just did girls.”

What is it about Elegant Angel’s new “Bush” movie that makes me think of an American Apparel campaign to sell merkins?

I kept expecting Gordon Lightfoot to show up and accept an award for “The Anal Wreckage of Edmund Fitzgerald by Jiz Lee Wearing a Strap-on.”