Studio: Evil AngelDirector: Dave WestCast: Priva, Sasha Grey, Alexis Texas, Keisha, Dana DeArmond, Jennifer Dark It’s hard to explain. I like a little brutality in my personal life but it’s not fun watching anyone else do it. I suppose if Priva were there in my bathroom, one of the first things to cross my mind [...]
geekery
What to slam, and where: Someone’s in the bathtub with Priva edition
It is not uncommon for people to stop me on the street and ask Grams, where should I slam it? In most cases, the answer is simple and, depending on who asks, I might collect a small fee before answering Why, in a young whore, of course Occasionally the answer needs to be more remedial. [...]
Uncategorized
More post-Thanksgiving toilets: Annabelle Lee
I just got word that from henceforth the day after Thanksgiving will be known as Toilet Day. Thanks, outgoing Bush Administration! The delightful Annabelle Lee is a study in black and white (and, thankfully, not brown) in Shades of Romona. Read the Shades of Romona mini-review here. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Squirting and self-censorshipSee [...]
Satan wears tube socks, is also not a mom
Wow.You know my towering rage when women advertised as MILFs aren’t actually moms, so you can imagine the sadness and hurt I felt when Satan made no appearance in Sex Slaves of Satan (say what you will about John Holmes). Read the review here. Previously: Meet Today’s Peaches (fleshbot); Lemon cream facials; No easy way [...]
Mini-review: Sex Slaves of Satan
Studio: VCXDirector: SatanCast: Desiree Cousteau, Dorothy Lemay, Serena, John Holmes, Joey Silvera, John Leslie, Jean Jennings, Tami Lee Curtis, Mary Ann Evans, Heather Ellis, Jamie Gillis Like everyone working in the adult industry (and their mothers), I’m really into Satan. You have a Satan t-shirt, trading cards, bobblehead doll, some Satan rims, branded cereal, whatever, [...]
Setimo de Maio: Tranny monopoly
We’ve seen that Latinas must bear the shame of being called hookers when they are actually escorts, but today we look at an area where Latinas and Latinos have achieved primacy: the world of transsexual porn. Why is it that Brazilians make up the bulk of the transsexual porn community? I asked International Olympic Committee [...]
Mini-review: Latina Hollywood Hookers
Studio: WickedDirector: Randy SpearsCast: Demi Delia, Daisy Marie, Cassandra Cruz, Maya Gates The first thing one thinks when confronted with Wicked’s new Latina Hollywood Hookers is, “Well Duh. You think there’s Latina hookers in Glendale? It would be a step up to have Latina hookers in Glendale.” On that subject: Irvine Robbins R.I.P., whose first [...]
Seis de Mayo: Shame and redemption
The first thing one thinks when confronted with Wicked’s new Latina Hollywood Hookers is, “Well Duh. You think there’s Latina hookers in Glendale? It would be a step up to have Latina hookers in Glendale.” On that subject: Irvine Robbins R.I.P., whose first ice cream store was in Glendale. Mourn ya ’til I join ya [...]
Girls Loving Girls (but filmed by girl-loving guys)
Just today I learned definitively, despite the direct and contradicting quote from its star, that the story behind a celebrity sex tape I’d reviewed was a fib. “Does the story even matter?” sputtered the celebrity’s handlers. “Yes, in that people will buy an otherwise unremarkable DVD because of the story you used to sell it,” [...]
Hookers And Blow: mini-review
Studio: Brandon Iron/JM ProductionsDirector: Brandon IronCast: Joe Blow, Missy Stone, Nika, Wendy West, Natalie Sky, Starla, Priscilla Milan, Brandon Iron The Canadian Iron uses substance abuse and sex addiction as a framing device for this movie, and our hero and Iron’s proxy, Joe Blow, falls off the wagon pretty quickly. Outside a Jack in the [...]
Hookers And Blow: An important film
Joe’s hooker addiction is interfering with his drug habit. I know some people consider “Hair” or “Dirty Dancing” to be their generation’s movies, but not until Brandon Iron’s Hookers And Blow did I find a film about my life. See the review here. Previously: “This girl is half his age.”
Sunny Loves Matt – mini review
Studio: VividDirector: B. SkowCast: Sunny Leone, Matt Erickson, Monique Alexander, Nick Manning, Megan Monroe, Rebeca Linares, Charles Dera “I want you to come in the kitchen and clean up my peanut butter and jelly sandwich,” says Matt Erickson to Sunny Leone in the movie which features her first Boy/Girl scene. Well, she goes to the [...]
What I learned from hentai (first in a series)
Rape is OK if the rapist is a goblin. Note to self: Get more tentacles. When tentacles are unavailable, use snakes. Explain everything as it is happening, then explain it again. (“You are fucking my holes. That went in my holes.”) Read a mini-review of The Night When Evil Falls (volume 1) here. Previously: Meet [...]
Stoya’s architecture
Because I am a product of the American South, I begin each New Year with a ham, coleslaw, and blackeyed peas dinner. This means that, around January 3, I am eating ham sandwiches. I was in a sandwich state of mind when I watched Stoya’s first POV movie, but I was also very happy that [...]
Jack’s POV 9 mini-review: Stoya Sandwich
Studio: Digital PlaygroundDirector: Robby D.Cast: Stoya, Gianna, Carmella Bing, Renae Cruz, Brianna Love, Jerry, The beauty of – or at least the idea behind – a POV title is that, by not showing any identifying characteristic of the male of the couple beyond what is absolutely necessary, the viewer can feel like he is in [...]
Porn channels Gary Numan or: Here in my Carmen Hart, I feel safest of all
This is what I’m not saying: I hate couple’s porn. What I am saying is that a lot of couples’ porn seems to scale back on the sex I find eye-catching (e.g.: sex with beings from realms where Euclidean geometry is an abomination) while filling the new space with the type of vapid pro-sex moralizing [...]
Pleasure Principle: mini review
Studio: WickedDirector: David StanleyCast: Carmen Hart, Lexi Lamour, Randy Spears, Exotica, Hollie Stevens, Marcus London, Brooke Banner, Marco Banderas, Daisy Marie Wicked has the highest percentage of South of the Mason-Dixon Line talent of any porn studio. There’s jessica drake (Texas), Stormy Daniels (Louisiana), and North Carolina’s Carmen Hart. Hart is adorable, accessible, and flawless [...]
Narcissism
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