We got a shipment of the new Kurt Lockwood action figures here at Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, Helipad, and Q-Tipperie, and I have to say that the lack of poses is disappointing.
The package includes backdrops from his recent boxcovers, and all are characterized by Lockwood stationed woodenly in the middle of a group of women, wearing sunglasses in broad daylight.
Thumbsuckers 2 features Lockwood as Roy Orbison in a movie that apparently answers the question: “Why use Kurt Lockwood’s cock when you’ve got a thumb?”
Teen Cock Rockers 2 employs the weird symmetricality of three women holding a starboard breast each. Presley Maddox (to Lockwood’s left) alone seems in on the secret: though someone is shaving his armpits, Lockwood is no longer alive.
The “Kurt Is Dead” motif is borne out, “Abbey Road“-style, by the fact that right-handed Lockwood is posed to hold his guitar with his left hand.
Finally, the late Lockwood’s most recent movie, Lords of Doggie Style Town, finds an obscured and rigor-mortized Lockwood propped up by three women, including Maddox who, now to Lockwood’s right, is herself bent most terrifyingly.
Lockwood stares into the middle distance, cognizant, finally, of the doom that awaits us all.
Though our action figures will probably be relegated to the shelf alongside Barbie with a Prayer Mat, I give kudos to Sex Z Pictures for not shying away from death in a business that is so youth-obsessed. I notice also that, like the Holy Trinity, there are always three figures surrounding Kurt.
Viral marketer Jeff Mullen slyly confirms Lockwood’s demise in the Doggie Style press release, noting that only Lockwood in his spirit form will be performing:
Presley Maddox, Aaliyah Joli, Charlotte Stokely, Riley Mason, Alexa Lynn and Samantha Ryan join Lockwood for some highly spirited and youthful sex as each girl offers up her naked body for some dirty exploration.
Dirty exploration of the beyond, that is.
Previously: XFanx porns burlesque; Lux redux; TT Girl relocates House of Ass
See also: Sex Z Pictures
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