It is a cliche that porn is poorly made. This comes from years of visible boom mics, awkward dialogue, quick scripts, and poor editing. But today’s pornographer knows how to edit and, if he’s smart, writes dialogue that performers who aren’t in this to be actors won’t trip over.
“Yeah. I’ve never been to that town but I’ve been through it.”
While there are notable exceptions, budgets determine quality. The smart pornographer also knows to not hype his $30k-$100k movie like an enterprising indie filmmaker’s $3m movie, because there is no comparison.
So, unless he is watching something like this, the viewer can be content today that the adult film he is watching is as good as any mainstream movie made with a similar budget. And, unless the porn director is calling himself “The (Martin Scorsese, Michael Bay, Atom Egoyan, Paul Verhoeven) of Adult,” he can be content that even those guys can’t capture a FIP the way he can.
Which brings us to “After Last Season.”
Created in the lush Merrimack Valley of Massachusetts, “After Last Season” seems like it could be the worst movie of all time. It makes Eon McKai look like a visionary, Pink Visual look like MGM of the 30’s, and Paul Thomas look like God.
“He mailed them to me a couple of weeks before the day he was stabbed.”
It is so bad that – mark my words – there will be a hundred Youtube imitators of it by this time next month. It is so bad that there is a great likelihood that it is fake. It is so bad that, but for the fact that the actors’ clothes are on, it looks exactly like porn made between 1975 and 1985.
“Part of the diagnosis process involves using an MRI scanner.”
Let’s say my girlfriend is a porn performer and I think I’m a director. I badger a studio to distribute my debut film, which is awful. I can imagine a time when the studio head would say, “Well, at least it’s not as bad as ‘After Last Season.'”
“They’ve got printers in the basement I think you can use.”
Featuring cardboard MRI machines, uninspired acting, meaningless dialogue, and a budget, the filmmaker says, of $5 million, “After Last Season” – even if it’s not real – should liberate the porn world from its tragic need to compare itself to mainstream entertainment.
I hope this movie makes a shitload of money and they can reopen the Rte. 38 Drive-In.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Alternate dialogue for a MILF movie
See also: See the trailer for “After Last Season”, “After Last Season” official website
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