Equal time for false prophets

I get a lot of mail from religious zealots who (and I can tell this from looking at my site statistics) spend a great deal of time looking at my articles and galleries before writing me.

I received the following e-mail this morning from “Jesse Jane Pornstar”:

Your odds are slim to none and slim is packing his bags.

“The Old Testament is a false history of the world” – Charles Darwin

The man Jesus quoted on hell is 12 for 12 – http://www.isaiah666.com

“Marriage is honorable but whoremongers God will judge” – Hebrews 13

The subject line was “Jon Dough.” Dough was a veteran porn performer who committed suicide in 2006.

Obviously the letter did not come from Jesse Jane (unless she leads a very interesting other life), but I was reminded of the Gospel of John verse 8:44, “The Devil is a liar; the father of lies.” That someone would impersonate someone else in order to condemn me, as well as use a bogus subject line, seems to be grounds for a mistrial.

Also, the threat should read: “The chances are slim and Slim is packing his bags.” Get it? The joke is that the adjective modifying “chances” is then repurposed as the proper noun “Slim.” People impersonating Jesse Jane are so stupid.

I visited the site mentioned in the e-mail. It is fantastic, and much better designed than mine. It is sort of a crush site for the prophet Isaiah and credits him with being the go-to guy for the Christian concept of Hell (mine is slightly different).

The site also has reader testimonials about people they’d like to consign to Hell, like John Lennon. (“Judge not, that ye be not judged.” – Matthew 7:1.)

If websites can be archived for hundreds of years, I’ve no doubt that a site like Isaiah666 will emerge in the future as a great work of literature, much as Dante’s Inferno
was very much the brilliant, bitter Italian poet’s way of depicting as Hellbound all the contemporaries he didn’t like personally.

The e-mail also reminded me of some Monday morning quarterbacking going on about last week’s election, in which Barack Obama prevailed but so did a ban on same sex marriage in California.

It has been suggested by exit polls that 70 percent of the black voters who cast ballots for Obama also rejected same-sex marriage, and that “people who attend church regularly” voted for Obama by a slight majority but voted overwhelmingly to ban same sex marriage, proving that “religion trumps party affiliation.”

The reason I was reminded of this was because, according to the e-mail, the Book of Hebrews says that “marriage is honorable” – it doesn’t say between whom.

So, to the false Jesse Jane I’d say that you might have sent John Lennon to Hell (where I’m sure he’s spending eternity listening to Wings music with every track removed but Linda MCcartney’s backing vocals), but at least you saved gay marriage.

The image above, by the way, is from Digital Playground’s 2003 movie Beat the Devil.

Watch Beat the Devil now.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Satan wears tube socks
See also: Isaiah666: A Fansite

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist


  1. Hi Grams, I’m not going to comment on religious zealots’ and porn because I see that subject as a lost cause. Thank God we have the constitution, the one and only holly book!

    In my case, I also have a baseball bat for those people.

    In any case, today I will comment about the more important subject of the plural word for MILF.

    I read your reasoning but I have some more powerful arguments.

    I say that the word “Milves” dilutes the word Milf. “Milfs” instead enhances it and amplifies it.

    Any questions?

  2. No questions, I just don’t agree.

    I think the word “milf” is dilution-proof: no longer do we capitalize any of its letters and it has become part of ordinary speech. I believe it’s in the Constitution, in fact.

    I would never go around saying “She can fit two Volkswagen golves in her ass,” but I am comfortable saying “milves.” In her ass.

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