“Facts of Life” media convergence breaks Internet

As if it were a veritable “Perfect Storm XXX” (starring Cytherea as the Atlantic Ocean), both the making-of book [buy “A Porn Valley Odyssey” here] and the movie “The Facts of Life XXX” [buy here] are being spurred on by rave (the book) and enthusiastic (the movie) reviews, as well as some fortuitous real-life drama.

First, Geri Jewell, a “Facts of Life” castmember from the 80’s sitcom, came out as a homosexual. A Homosexual! I was gently redirected from writing a Geri Jewell character in my porn screenplay, but imagine the possibilities!

Second, the original “Facts of Life” cast reunited:

(I believe my cast looks better, but we’ll see what happens in 2031 when the cast of “Facts of Life XXX” reunites at the Paley Center.)

The “Facts of Life” reunion coincided with the first-ever review of my filmic work by none other than Don Houston of Xcritic.com.

Houston has written approximately 7,000 ridiculously comprehensive reviews of porn movies and his attention to details I couldn’t care less about (bitrate?) is staggering. But here’s the thing: I know other people care.

Reading Don’s review was an otherworldy experience. I was prepared, having been America’s Beloved Porn Journalist for nigh-on seven years, for both indifference and outright pans, but Houston recommended the movie, suggested I should start clearing my mantelpiece for awards (now I have to buy a mantelpiece), and said the effort “had more replay value than projects costing far more.”

He also said the movie was “strokable,” which is a widely-accepted, venerable, and complimentary word from gentlemen’s magazine days that nevertheless makes me want to throw up in my mouth.

Houston called the making-of book “highly entertaining and near-perfect.”

The Unsinkable Sex Educator and Lady About-Town Jamye Waxman also loved the book, saying that she who reads it will “Laugh Your Fucking Ass Off.”

View an early “Facts of Life” trailer below, which renames the movie in favor of the song by Fogelfoot.

[hdplay id=16 ]

Now then: Who can say No to that kind of quality? Don’t you want to get a look behind the scenes of such genius?

If you’ve read the book, please let me know as I prepare to market the living shit out of it.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: You can’t put a laugh track on genius; Ponante shocked, pleased with “Facts of Life XXX” Academy Award nominations
See also: Peruse A Porn Valley Odyssey: Making “The Facts of Life XXX”