Best of Inbox Nudes 4.13.11

There is something fantastic about receiving unsolicited nude pictures from people I don’t know, but since I don’t know you, I must throw them out. That is why I only accept nude pictures sent to me by Porn Valley’s elite corps of publicists and talent agents.. Let’s look at this week’s crop.

Holly Michaels
OC Modeling

Ms. Michaels seems to be the most confident out of this group, perhaps because she is almost 6 feet tall. I am fond of tall people, though that doesn’t mean I discriminate against wildly overcompensating short people who either drive Hummers or become dominatrixes.

I like the Rolling Stones lips on her abdomen. I think a picture of Holly Michaels would have been more effective than a benchful of puppets on the Sgt. Pepper album.

Taylor Dare
Vangard Talent

Just as much as porn stars rely on alliteration (the repeating of initial sounds, like Jesse Jane and Kimberly Kane), assonance just sounds dirtier. Assonance is the repetition of inner vowel sounds, such as that employed by 19-year-old Taylor Dare. I don’t mean to sound like a 1970’s pervert shambling after you in a raincoat, but I like the bald pussy look. Why? Because sometimes it’s more efficient to be direct.

I believe that is a Manta Ray cruising above Ms. Dare’s vagina. While one’s genitals mustn’t ever suggest the word “aquarium,” it’s still an interesting tattoo.

Sienna Milano
Metro Talent

Sienna Milano at 23 has decided she is only going to work with other women or pieces of silicone. What she is saying with this pose, then, is “Call for an Appointment.”

Patricia La Farre
Vangard Talent

Finally, 22-year-old Patricia La Farre just struck me as older. Didn’t you think so, too? It’s not that her body seems to have weathered the vicissitudes of age, but she is posed just like I’d imagine a housewife might stand when opening the door for a mailman.

It’s a look that says, “You may have your reservations, but I can assure you this will be worth it.”

I invite any current or soon-to-be-former employees of the US Postal Service to write in with their real-life experience with customers dressed this way.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Sarah Vandella’s creampie of assonance; Jesse Jane and the U.S. Male
See also: OC Modeling, Vangard Talent, Metro Talent

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

1 Comment

  1. I see some winners up there, for sure. I like how there’s not a single fake tit amongst them, but we’ll see how long that lasts.

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