Hysterical Rapists: What makes them so giddy?

If you watch Hollywood movies, you’ll notice that most of the people involved in a rape seem to be having a great time. Why are they so happy?

Hollywood has immortalized several archetypes: The femme fatale, the strong silent type, the bookish girl who, once she takes her glasses off, becomes hot, the Brody family-hunting shark. But it wasn’t until I watched “Robocop” recently that I realized that “Hysterical Gang of Rapists” has a long and noble film pedigree.

Alas, that’s one of those slam-dunks we will never see in porn.

Even as it often displays sexual positions, scenarios, and groupings that just don’t make sense in the real world, today’s porn by and large shies away from adult situations that too closely mirror reality, like rape and sex among the obese.

While you may shamefacedly report to weekly assignations with the borderline retarded night drive-thru attendant at your nearby Jack in the Box, your greasetrap-lubed fumblings by the dumpster will never be immortalized by the likes of Will Ryder.

But just think of the number of films in which rape is attempted or committed by giddy, giggling gangs.

• “Robocop”
• “Deliverance”
• “Last House on the Left”
• “I Spit on Your Grave”
• “The Accused”
• “The Wizard of Oz”
• “Billy Jack”

and, of course

• “A Clockwork Orange” (in which there are two packs of hysterical rapists)

Ask anyone who has never been raped or a rapist and that person will tell you: it’s not about sex. Therefore the zesty enterprise of lovemaking or casual sex, in which consenting adults hoot and holler, is inappropriately co-opted by movie rapists, who treat the serious business of rape like it’s a joke.

Regardless, the idea of the Hysterical Rapist is now woven into our cultural tapestry as basically as that of the Magical Black Man, the kid in the wheelchair who’s good at computers, and the spunky teen superhero assistant (cartoons only, with or without space monkey).

I bring this up on Memorial Day because we Americans embrace and vote for archetypes and, just as Ronald Reagan was elected based on his fitting the bill of Plain-spoken but Jolly Cowboy, so should we look forward to a Hysterical Rapist President one day.

But what would her healthcare platform be?

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: “The Senator’s Daughter”; Preventing “This Ain’t Antichrist XXX”; “Faithless”