The Skin [Diamond] was thickly covered with coarse black fur, and from the abdomen a score of long greenish-grey tentacles with red sucking mouths protruded limply.

In the movie “Pure MILF 2,” Lisa Ann cuddles up to some dude on his easy chair when a spirit wearing track pants is clearly seen walking by at the top of the stairs.

“Some of these apple-picking girls fuck like the Wendigo is after them,” says Allie Haze. “They’re not scared of death.”

It was May, 2006, a year after I’d started Porn Valley Observedin earnest, when I attended my first “Pussy Party,” and it became one of those rare events in which I knew I was having a good time while I was having it.

People talk behind Sinn Sage’s back a lot, and it’s all nice things. It might have something to do with the quality of her back.

“It stands to reason that if there is a movie called ‘The True History of She-Male Cock’ that there have been false histories,” says historian Doris Kearns Goodwin

“It says that the only way to keep Interstellar Beings from entering our skulls is to wear hats if you are female or sunglasses if you are male,” Siffredi said. “And you see, I have already purchased sunglasses.”

Gram Ponante explains the balloon fetish like you’re some kind of idiot

I don’t think I’m alone when I say that the 5-scene spirit stick endeavor “That Horny Little Chearleader” made me think of Walter Matthau shaking his fist on his lawn.

Sadly, my copy of Dana Vespoli’s “Older Women, Younger Girls 2″ suffered the excesses of my enthusiasm and was rendered unusable. So I had to make up what I thought the beautiful Julia Ann and Dani Daniels were saying in this Saphtastic scene.

Wibbly-wobbly, nudey wudey

AVN, an adult trade publication, was quick to call the yet-to-be-made movie “Ultimately Strokable.”

‘With fingers, toys, and tongues hard at work, these ladies will always succumb to the sins of lesbians,’ it says right here. Always, my friends.

Like a vampire, I was moving west down Ventura Blvd. when I got it into my head to survey the current state of Porn Lesbians.

“I’ve been so selfish with my gift!” says Anthony Rosano, agreeing to fuck Lexi Belle for free.

“Winter is coming,” she said, flushing demurely

Beating out “Meth Air” and “Fellate—Don’t Tell Me,” the first-ever National Public Radio porn parody will be Gram Ponante’s “On Peeing.”

Maybe it took the French Revolution to show us that hair doesn’t matter; that the virtues of liberté, égalité, et fraternité don’t raise barricades against the follicularly challenged.

In the depths of the Great Depression, only the antics of Slurpy Throatsluts and his gang of lovable vagabonds kept the nation’s minds of its troubles. Mister, we could use some Slurpy Throatsluts again.

Gram Ponante awkwardly conflates a horse race in Maryland with a porn star from Kentucky, just to show some naked pictures of Angelina Valentine.