What nameless madness, what piping of eldritch flutes, what demonic confluence of forbidden geometries possessed mild-mannered and quivering porn makeup artist Glenn Alfonso to hand Skin Diamond a cuddly little Cthulhu (Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!) from the mysterious H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society in weird and mysterious Glendale?
“Gentlemen,” says Alfonso, “As I lay gibbering in a dream filled with miasmas and unspeakable things, I saw upon Skin Diamond the star-spawn of Cthulhu. Indeed it was on her neck, and knew that it would come to devour us all, as foretold by the Mad Arab Abdul Alhazred in the terrifying and unwholesome Necronomicon.”
Even skeptics like those who hide themselves away among hoary tomes in the stacks of Miskatonix University or curl, raving, in the nightmare shadows of Arkham Asylum know that this meeting between dormant, dreaming Unspeakable Water God and porn star boob would take place, for Lovecraft wrote of it himself in “The Dunwich Horror”:
The Skin [Diamond] was thickly covered with coarse black fur, and from the abdomen a score of long greenish-grey tentacles with red sucking mouths protruded limply.
“And there you have it,” Alfonso said, and went insane.
This is not the first time Skin Diamond has encountered this horrible, animate survivor of distant eons. She reduced audiences to gaping, idiot mouths in the Lovecraftian “Revenge of the Petites.”
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Satine Phoenix on three hours’ sleep; “Foot Fetish Sluts” make you wait for the other shoe to drop; “Revenge of the Petites”—beauty is only skin deep, Skin Diamond; Andy San Dimas—how I didn’t ruin her career
See also: H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society