How Lady Cheeky Got Her Groove Back

Elle "Lady Cheeky" Chase

Elle “Lady Cheeky” Chase

With apologies for resurrecting a decade-old reference that was the “50 Shades of…” of 1998, my friend Elle “Lady Cheeky” Chase delivers a poignant, practical, and positive interview on finding sexuality after 40 to Internet radio host Laurie Handlers.

“Men are attracted to a sense of sexuality rather than a body,” concludes Chase on Handler’s Sex And Happiness show, available here.

But it took a while for Chase to figure that out. Prior to her marriage, Chase says she “dreaded sex” and suffered from vaginismus, a psychological condition that both prevented penetration and that I’ll rhyme with Christmas at every opportunity. But even overcoming vaginismus didn’t make her marriage fulfilling, and eventually she resorted to a Twitter affair.

Chase had been watching the HBO show “True Blood,” she tells Handlers, and started crying over a sex scene that reflected a chemistry she never felt.

Listening to this interview I was struck by how chemistry is as valuable a currency as cash, health, attractiveness, and success; if you don’t have it, you feel poor and lonely, unable to connect with people.

Chase was 40. “I wanted to be flirted with and romanced,” she says. “I wasn’t getting it. And porn didn’t work because I didn’t even know what I liked.”

She took to the Internet, found chatrooms, and met someone. She hired a private investigator to check the guy out, she tells Handlers, and flew to meet him “to have sex.” It was life-changing.

After her marriage ended and having gained a newfound sense of her own sexuality, Chase launched Lady Cheeky—so named for a title she was given in an “Anglophile chatroom”—which combines her twin loves of erotic photography and sensible writing about sex and relationships.

Having been an empty vessel for so long, she tried everything on a sexual journey of discovery. She tells Handlers, “from that lack you get an idea of what you need.”

What’s on her No list?

“I won’t let anyone pee on my face,” Chase says.

Their hour-long conversation is very warm, and Handlers is a gracious and encouraging host. The pair touch on curiosity, the need for experimentation, and body image issues. Chase, who describes herself as “a big girl,” points out that if a man can have a pot belly and have no problem with it, so can she. Still, she says, her self-consciousness about her own body can occasionally make her forget she is attractive to others.

“It’s not (my) job to second-guess,” she reminds herself.

(Handlers notes that an erection is an unmistakeable sign of attraction.)

After this interview you want Chase to win, and to get everything she wants. In the meantime, check out her site to gawk at her comprehensive library of things that happen to turn her on.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Swinging with Siri; Alix Lakehurts’s extra-wide world of public nudity
See also: Lady Cheeky, Laurie Handlers’ “Sex And Happiness”

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