Photoplay: What they’re thinking over in couples’ porn

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Recently I opened a DVD box for the 3rd Degree movie “Fit Girls XXX Orgy” (as if Fit Girls would have any other kind of orgy) and was surprised to find a Penthouse couples’ movie called “Full Exposure” instead. This occasionally happens when companies share the same distributor.

“I don’t watch much couples’ porn, and have not seen a Penthouse movie in a while,” I said to myself, “so why not broaden my goddamn horizons?

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Well, Readers, I was quite impressed with the feel-good/weird lighting/moist floor collection of scenes, starting with a 3-way between Michael Vegas, Zoey Holloway, and the bite-sized Elaina Ray.

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“Do I get to be a chip in this cookie?” Vegas asks Holloway, who looks truly gargantuan next to Ray.

I expected two things to happen:

  • What with the good-time major-chord guitar strumming in the soundtrack, I thought the Counting Crows would come over and go all VH-1 on their asses. No such luck.
  • There was a possibility that the threesome would form a Decepticon called HolloRaygas, but that didn;t happen, either.

Later in the movie, Vanessa Veracruz and Spencer Scott engage in some artful tandem masturbation in a black room with a white couch on what appears to be the sentient waterplanet Solaris.

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I’m a Grown-Ass Man, and I don’t know a single couple that watches pornography together. I think this market is mostly dudes who are trying to get their girlfriends to OK their porn collection. But then again, I could be wrong. I have been in an iron lung for the past 23 years, here in Tibet.

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Is it necessary to remind you that I added these captions myself and they have nothing to do with Penthouse, Adult Friend Finder, Vaseline, or the ghost of Bob Guccione? OK, good.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Photoplay: Julia Ann And Dani Daniels Think Like You Do

 

7 thoughts on “Photoplay: What they’re thinking over in couples’ porn

  1. My own research has led me to believe that “Full Exposure” is in fact some kind of series, but one wouldn’t know this from the discs in that they’re never numbered, subtitled, or otherwise exhibit anything to distinguish one from the next aside from the list of ladies appearing in them which tends to be listed on each disc. Further, they seem to be nothing more than ill-conceived promos, in that you’re forced to watch a non-skippable ad for Penthouse TV betwixt each scene and the next. They are given away “free” in select copies of the magazine. One of the two I have is so badly authored that certain scenes, though supposedly on the disc, cannot be accessed because you get thrown in an endless loop back to the menus. The scenes that are present, however, suck.

    Did the disc cover indicate it was “Penthouse Full Exposure” or “Fit Girls XXX Orgy?” I bought a Combat Zone title once that seemed fine until you popped it in, and were treated to (parts of) Wicked’s “What’s a Girl Gotta Do?” Popping it in my pc’s DVD drive, I could view the individual video files, and the Combat Zone scenes were there, but with the wrong menus and most of the video files for the Wicked title. Very strange.

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