“I can never take off clothes ‘sexy’,” says Maria Malkova, who is doing just fine. “It just doesn’t happen.”
She’s in a hotel room and Manuel Ferrara—playing Manuel Ferrara—is about to Room Service her up. He, like me, doesn’t care how she takes her goddamn clothes off, just that they come off.
When I was younger I suspected that men who wanted women to dress a certain way were men who lacked imagination. I still feel this way now that I’m a Grown-Ass Man. I’m not talking about making no effort—I’m talking about the protesting-too-much dudes who forget that clothes are meant to be taken off. By concentrating too much on the clothes themselves, we waste valuable time and wonder: do you really want to have sex with this woman or just bitch about her clothes, Bitch?
As in most things, Jonathan Richman says it best:
Malkova gets rid of her pants and top fairly well, then Ferrara helps with her panties, which were hardly there anyway.
So, Mia Malkova, don’t worry about what you wear or how it comes off. If it’s easier to wear some sweatshop-created fabrics from the 99 Cent Store that are easy to tear off or that dissolve in water, go with those; we just care about what’s underneath.
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