Jesse Jane starts freakin’ the Ricans

Jesse Jane rubs the possibilities available under U.S. statehood in the faces of Puerto Ricans tonight through Saturday at Lips Gentlemen’s Club in Hato Rey.

“I am so excited to have the chance to perform in Puerto Rico,” said Jane.  “It’s such a sexy, romantic country, and I’m going to feel like I’m back filming ‘Pirates’ or ‘Island Fever’ the whole time I’m there.  I expect tons of people to come to Lips and say hi to me with their hot, Latin accents.”

“If only we were a country,” sighed governor Luis Fortuño, gazing up at Jane’s mesmerizing globes as she danced to “Born in the U.S.A.” “Instead, we are variously described as a commonwealth or an unincorporated territory with a non-voting representative to the U.S. Congress.”

As Jane began undulating back and forth, her Playboy tattoo just centimeters from his face, Fortuño lamented that the 29-year-old bombshell and he did not even share units of measurement.

“She said she expects tons of people, but she will not get them,” Fortuño said. “Instead, she will get kilograms of sweaty, rum-soaked laborers anxious to fondle the assets of first-class citizenship.”

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Affable Jesse Jane punctures fan’s lung; Jesse Jane to ask them to dance, dance with them slow
See also: Lips, Jesse Jane

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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