The accepted way for your hi-larious officemate to make fun of a porn movie is to add a ridiculously high number to a wacky title that probably already exists.
“My neighbor’s wife should be in My Hot Wife Is Fucking Blackzilla 48,” he’ll say. You will then check your watch and accurately predict that Blackzilla will work his way up to that number sometime in August.
But now and then a title that is too weird to be fake will show up, and we look around for telltale signs of the Apocalypse: not wishing Clinton was back in office, etc.
The porn industry, as anyone working within it will tell you, does a remarkable job of self-policing. Not only are there mandatory HIV tests, the results of which are available to anyone on set, but also the redundant forms of identity documentation required for 2257 compliance.
Why, then, does no one ever ask a performer in a MILF movie Have you ever given birth to a child?
The last straw came today when a copy of Transsexual MILFS 3 arrived. What they mean to say is Old Trannies, but instead they have sullied the sacred role of porn motherhood by populating a movie teeming with elderly transgendered Brazilian men and calling it a MILF movie.
Now if these men had fathered children at one point, they could have the –ILF ending but a new first letter would have to be applied.
I spoke with Loup Perch-Tounge, chairman of the International Porn Standards Office based in Van Nuys.
“I can assure you that none of these women packs her kids off to school with a nice, hot lunch,” he said.
Previously: Gram Ponante launches International MILF Registry
See also: Juicy Entertainment
I know of your concerns about the misuse of the acronym MILF of old, Gram, and I sympathize. You know I do. Is it possible, though, that MILF means something different here? You know, like AMA means American Medical Association, but it also means Agricultural Management Assistance or Academy of Model Aeronautics? I mean, what if it stands for Men In Lacy Frocks? Or Males whose Identities are a Little Freaky? I know there are a few extra letters there, but there’s one in MILF, too. Or maybe it’s something in Portuguese. That’s what they speak in Brazil.
Thank you, Mr. Quint. We will take it under advisement.
Hello Gram. I appreciate your humor. You make me laugh. I hate to put on my serious hat for a moment but I sometimes have trouble following you; I almost got lost here, with some of your constructions, but the MILF point worked to lay track for this train. Anyway, something needs to be repeated for me, sometimes. Also, I tend to get lost less if you simplify syntax for me. Perhaps a name works better than a pronoun sometimes. Please don’t sacrifice humor for this stuff; some of us will just not get it.
Tx.
Thank you for your comment, Anonymous. I don’t want to lose you, because I love you.