What We Talk About When We Talk About Kagney Linn Karter

Kagney Linn Karter was on the set of Not Married with Children XXX as was this collection of Raymond Carver short stories, for some reason. And, like Julianne Moore in Robert Altman’s Carver adaptation “Short Cuts,” Karter was wearing no pants.

The story “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love” is about four people having a conversation on a sunlit, gin-soaked afternoon. Karter, hailing from Missouri, is herself sunlit and would soon be soaked with a liquid of greater viscosity than gin. And that’s where – aside from the similarity of their last names – all comparisons between Carver and Karter end.

Because I could give a fuck about Carver’s Mel the blabbermouth cardiologist and Terri and Nick and Laura when instead I’ve got a naked soon-to-be-22-year-old bent in interesting positions on a leopard-print chair.

There are priorities.

(I include the above clothed picture of Karter drying her toenails just to prove I can keep from posting naked pictures of her.)

Karter is of a build that I would imagine her loved ones always trying to keep her from taking off her clothes at every opportunity to bring in the cat, reposition the satellite dish, or debate Jehovah’s Witnesses. And it was for this reason, too, that I found myself asking, of all questions, “Have you ever been to Branson?”

“No,” she said.

“You’re about 38 years too young for it, anyway,” I said.

I’ve no doubt that if I had but asked, Karter would have taken off her shoes, jewelry, and nail polish so that she could be more naked. At that point I would have burned the book, too.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Strollin’ in the Brolin
See also: Kagney Linn Karter