Doc (of Clinical Sexology) Johnson has released the Naughty Nights package, which gives our women permission to be naughty.
“Sometimes women can be pallid, bloodshot, frumpy colloidal lumps,” the kindly Doctor explained, using the scientific terminology for someone who just lies there. “The Naughty Nights package gives ’em the juice they need to please us.”
Each Naughty Nights kit contains a one-size-fits-all leopard print G-string Loin Cloth and blindfold, and a bronze seven-inch vibrator. Also included is a scented candle and a one-ounce bottle of Hot & Sexy Strawberry lubricant, which heats up when mixed with carbon dioxide.
“You know how to make carbon dioxide, don’t you?” Doc Johnson instructed, whittling vibrators on the front porch of his small-town practice; “you just put your lips together and blow.”
When it was pointed out to Doc Johnson that some girls could care less about the scented candle and blindfold, preferring to get naughty with a couple of 8-balls and a box of razor blades – at least the girls I know – he looked up from his checkers game and scoffed.
“Maybe you city people with your big ideas and fancy PHP coding can’t turn a woman on unless you’ve got two bottles of Jagermeister and half a tiger shark up her parts, but here in the country we like our scented candles just fine.”
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