Assed from the Past: Fap 5 Friday

fap 5 presents the FAP FIVE WEEKLY COUNTDOWN!

This week is very exciting as we have tales of pimping out our wives, a couple of movies involving — get ready for it — the ass, and a classic from the 1980s that people are getting excited about all over again. The one thing all these movies have in common? TEENS.

*******Follow along as Playboy Radio’s Lexi Stetzel delivers the week’s most popular movies as determined by Gamelink customers.******

We’ll begin with this tender Coming of Ass film from an old friend:


Gamelink Fap 5 Here’s the thing. There are only so many ways you can talk about getting fucked in the ass before it sounds as commonplace as getting fucked in the — what is it? — Oh. The pussy. I almost forgot because everyone’s getting fucked in the ass these days. Veteran pornographer Mike Adriano, who knows which side his bread is buttered on, let me tell you, lures several rumptastic young ladies to his studio where he films himself fucking them up the ass. Sarah Shevon is one of them and I am, frankly, jealous. Not only that, but the boxcover liner notes are splendid and contain the following sentence: “The girls stuff butter into their colons and fart out the oily mess.” Whether or not you like colons, butter, or farting, you have to admit that that is a very descriptive way of saying something, and I’m sure Mike Adriano’s 4th grade teacher would be wicked proud.

Number Four celebrates women who can’t drink legally but who are cum-drunk regardless. Its:


Gamelink Fap 5 The porn industry is built on the back of willing or perhaps befuddled teens, and you know who benefits from that? YOU. Randy old goat Joey Silvera brings you several scenes of precocious, oiled teens doing all sorts of things in the relative comfort of Porn Valley rental mansions with people approximating their own age, but it’s the scene with young piece of sex jerky Marina Angel servicing Silvera himself, POV-style, that is this movie’s big winner. Why? Because you can’t help but think that what you’re watching is wrong, and no matter how porny those wacky teens on the Disney Channel might get, there’s still something about a Joey Silvera video that makes you think: SHIT THIS IS CREEPY.

This week’s Fap 5 Number Three asks you to pretend that these women never gave up the A before. It’s:


Gamelink Fap 5 With a title like “Manuel Opens Their Asses,” isn’t it a little unnecessary to add “Number Two”? Oh well, the point Manuel Ferrara is trying to make here is that these women — particularly the ass-tastic Anikka Albrite, Carter Cruise, and Italian sensation Valentina Nappi — are all very well acqianted with backdoor action so that the act of opening their asses really doesn’t involve too much more than saying “You are getting paid for Anal today, ladies.” But just because Manuel doesn’t open their asses the way, say, Nixon opened China, it is always a huge fucking treat to watch Valentina Nappi do anything, because she’s the real deal, and Manuel knows it.

This week’s Number Two comes all the way from the 1980s:


Gamelink Fap 5 Due to the success of Showtime’s splendid “Rated X” documentary, a movie basically out of circulation for almost 30 years vaults to our Fap 5. “Taboo 2,” Kirdy Stevens hard-hitting and risque tale of sex between people who probably shouldn’t be having sex, moves up 77 places in our countdown. Come for the truly taboo sexual encounters, but stay for the pubic hair and fun porn acting!

Finally, entering the countdown at Number One is a tender tale of sharing your wife with the world:


Like that’s a bad thing. When you’ve got a hot wife, like Danica Dillon in this Gamelink VOD exclusive from New Sensations, sometimes you want to, you know, pimp her out a little. That is what is known as hotwifing, when you treat your wife like a box of really good cigars that you share with your friends and/or strangers. And while your wife pretends she’s doing it for you, she really thinks you’re a huge creep and just lets you think that you’re calling the shots. EWither way, it’s fun for us to watch, and Danica Dillon is delicious no matter whose wife she is.

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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