As porn talent drifts into and around the adult industry, I receive emails from talent agencies listing the merits and capabilities of each new special lady. I’ve compiled some of my illustrated musings below.
- CHERIE DeVILLE (OC Modeling)
Age: 32
Despite the fact that Ms. DeVille is a girls-only performer, I really like this picture, especially the calculated, jaunty position of her legs. Imagine descending your recently carpeted staircase one morning to find Cherie DeVille arrayed thusly on your tasteful bearskin rug. Glorious! Remember: she needs to be both alive and conscious on that bearskin rug for you to picture her that way.
- LOLA FOXX (World Modeling)
Age: 19
This planking photo of Lola Foxx, however, does not convince me of the easy accessibility one demands from porn stars. It’s fine that she’s prostrating herself on the bed, but the only available entry is guarded by a pointy heel, leaving the average porn consumer to say, “If I have to work for it, I might as well get Leticia from the Furniture Outlet.”
- HAYDEN BELL (Metro Talent Management)
Age: 21
I like this Hayden Bell. Why? Because I have a couch that looks like this, and I imagine her sitting on it, all 5’6″ and natural C breasts of her.
Her facial expression does not suggest that she’s all that approachable, but what more invitation do you need? She’s naked on your couch.
- JOSLYN JAMES (OC Modeling)
Age: 33
The world now knows Joslyn James for her dalliance with Tiger Woods, and I hope her experience with the golfer was mutually rewarding. But I never got a good look at all her tattoos until just now, one of which reads “Jupone.”
According to her entry on the Internet Adult Film Database, James has the following tattoos:
“Jupone” left breast; Small symbols left and right of pubes; 3 pairs of kanji down spine (2009); Baby, lion and angel lower back (baby and angel converted to roses 2009); Buddha inside left forearm (2009); “Hooligans” top of left wrist (2009); Small symbol top of right wrist; Lettering on sides of left ring finger; “Shameless” top of right hand (2009); Red gemstone top of right ring finger; 5 lines of kanji (12 total) upper left thigh (extasy, pleasure, nemesis, orgasm, betrayal).
What does “Jupone” mean and do you suppose the tattoo artist also misspelled “ecstasy” in kanji?
- LONDON REAGAN (World Modeling)
Age: 25
I don’t know what spirit of American exceptionalism and British rightful-place toadying Ms. Reagan’s nom de porn is supposed to inspire in me, but I keep hearing Rik Mayall sneering “Thatcher’s Britain.”
She sure is pretty, though. It looks like she’s the hot absentee landlady inspecting the cottage of an Irish Famine family.
- MARY JANE (OC Modeling)
Age: 18
(Not to be confused with Smoking Mary Jane)
At 18, Mary Jane just seems too young and thin to be so fetishy. Wouldn’t it have been just a few years ago that her parents were really concerned about how she was tying up her Barbies?
- ALLIYAH SKY (Vangard Talent)
Age: 21
Prove me wrong. While Ms. Sky does not look like the next Wicked girl, she does look like she knows what she’s doing.
I know there are notable exceptions, but I support the idea that the legal age for porn should be 21; you look at a picture like this and can be fairly certain that it’s not a pose.
- ADRIANA LUNA (Metro Talent Management)
Age: 24
Adriana Luna doesn’t look all too sure about this pose, but it might be that someone has bound her wrists. It’s a nice thing to think about.
- LILY CARTER (OC Modeling)
Age: 23
Here’s the pitch:
PHOTOGRAPHER
Lily, you are naked except for some socks and you are halfway out of the driver’s seat of a pickup truck.LILY
And then what?ME
And then nothing. You are naked except for some socks and you are halfway out of the driver’s seat of a pickup truck.
- CALLIE COBRA (Metro Talent Management)
Age: 20
At 5’6″, Callie Cobra weighs 102 lbs. I weighed about that when I was a foot shorter, but I can guarantee you no one found me attractive. I would like to see Ms. Cobra as the lean meat in a Hayden Bell/Adriana Luna sandwich.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Tanner Mayes won’t fight nature; They call her “Juicee”; Inbox Nudes archive
See also: Vangard Talent, OC Modeling, Metro Talent Management, World Modeling
I’m really liking Mary Jane’s look. I’m also slightly-terrified by at least one of the above boob jobs.