Breaking: “Black Pack” not ZZ Top

Sharp-dressed Men: "The Black Pack"
Sharp-dressed Men: “The Black Pack”

I’ve been having some problems lately, and I was kind of hoping that “The Black Pack” would serve the same function as ZZ Top did in their Eliminator videos, where they’d show up and set things right for some hapless individual. Nope.

seanmichaels21Sean Michaels is in a suit, and announces he needs to make a conference call. He raises Lexington Steele, Jack Napier, and Mr. Marcus. “We need to have a meeting in regards to coming together and working as one for the betterment of us all,” he says.

Thus begins Michaels’ “The Black Pack,” in which the 22-year (“and counting”) adult industry veteran and venerable buddies have sex with Cali Sweets, Layton Benton, Leah Luxxx, Bambi Wolfe, and Monique Symone.

But that’s it.

The way Michaels builds it up, you’d think these dudes would be solving some crime. Instead the four gentlemen show up in their suits for a photoshoot (bonus disc), Nina Hartley explains Michaels’ importance to the adult business (but doesn’t have sex with anyone), and the men go to various rooms to fuck, just like in any other movie.

I’m not saying they are bad at it. Everyone performs at the standard for which he or she is rightfully famous. But the air of self-congratulation is off-putting, especially since the suits are so nice.


Shot between July and August of 2012, “The Black Pack” preceded Mr. Marcus’s bout with syphilis and DUI infamy. It sure was a simpler time.

If there is to be a “Black Pack 2,” I’d like these guys to have sex with their dates and then go implement the Kyoto Accords. Still, this movie was way better than the similarly-attired “Reservoir Dogs” porn parody.

Buy “The Black Pack” here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: At home with Lexington Steele;
See also: Evil Angel

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

1 Comment

  1. It’ll be in the sequel: now that they’ve gotten the poisons out of their systems, they can get down to business. For the betterment of us all.

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