First contact: Tera Patrick spotted in Las Vegas

It’s always exciting to see sleepy, rustic Las Vegas transform itself into an expensive-drinked, scratchy-throated, droopy-dugged Whore of Babylon for four days each year when the Adult Entertainment Expo rolls into town. Then it goes back to its normal state of bewildered bumpkintude wherein everyone knows each other and everyone lends a helping hand. It’s like Grover’s Corners with bottle service and a case of Herpes so persistent that you buy it an extra seat on the plane.

I am here a little early, in town for the Consumer Electronics Show and to leave room for me to walk from Self-Park, through the casino, and over to the elevators six miles away.

But as I drove down Sahara this evening I saw a billboard for Tera Patrick’s Porn Star Ball at Tao. Patrick is hosting several parties this week. I was about to say something snarky like (“and if by ‘hosting,’ you mean you pay to see the back of her head disappear through the service entrance of the club moments after the doors open”) but then I looked closer at the ad for her two Happy Hours at Lavo (as in Lavo-tory): For 30 bucks you meet Tera, get a DVD, and a signed picture. I’m looking in my mini-bar now: Three bucks for a Snickers bar. Tera Patrick is worth at least 40 Snickers bars.

I’ve been to Lavo. It bills itself as a Nightclub, Restaurant, and Bathhouse. Not like Glory Hole bathhouse. In fact, less useful than a Glory Hole bathhouse. There are sinks in places you wouldn’t expect them, but also no old Greek or Japanese ladies having whatever their culture calls shvitzes.

Think of all the hard-working porn stars you’ve seen on billboards, like Memphis Monroe for Hustler or all the nameless women who only learned they were listed as appearing at Adultcon when they saw their face on a billboard on the 710. None are identified by name.

Only Tera has the name recognition to go with the face.

Later, Tera teams up with the Vivid girls (let’s hope they are all in the same room, unlike the situation with that photo [unless Nikki Jayne had her right leg amputated, in which case: Bravo Vivid!] for the official AVN After Party at Tao. In case you hadn’t guessed, Tao and Lavo are owned by the same people (and Totoro is a joke).

So to review:

• Thursday Tera does the happy hour at 5:30 at Lavo and the fashion show at 10 at Tao.
• Friday is the happy hour at Lavo (pt. II) and the Pornstar Ball (with Dave Navarro) at Tao.
• Saturday is the AVN Awards afterparty with the Vivid girls at Tao. It says it starts at 10. Don’t bet on it.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Tera Patrick – The new black
See also: Teravision; Yelp’s impression of Lavo