You know how in ancient Rome they had The Five Good Emperors? No? Well, “Back Door to Chyna” is definitely in the running for inclusion in The Three Good Celebrity Sex Tapes.

“The consumer could be the biggest loser” almost made me shit myself.

Maybe Vivid’s presence in that bone orchard was proof that when you die, that’s all there is.

Andy San Dimas fucks the entire surviving citizenry of the planet Krypton in Axel Braun’s “Superman XXX,” which makes her a shoo-in for next year’s Best Interspecies Gangbang award.

Because there’s more than one way women can get ropey volleys lobbed across their faces and necks

I would call “Beautiful Stranger” heartwarming save for that organ being several inches above where this movie most reverberated.

In a way, encountering Kagney Linn Karter on the roof was like meeting the Space Shuttle while waving goodbye to Apollo 17.

“Make new people have to get tested once a month for three months before they get in,” says Tommy Gunn. “Quarantine the rest of California. I haven’t had civilian sex in years.”

The real sex crime, of course, is how Vivid continues to hound poor trainwreck Nadya Suleman, but this excellent police porn involving the murder of Mr. Pete shows how good—and inexpensive— original porn can still be.

I used to work at United Parcel Service, so I was happy to be with Dana and the wall bass.

The women of “Curvaceous 2″ are more like Vargas beauties painted on the noses of WWII planes.

“I got things you won’t believe/Name your pleasure I will sell/I can fix your wildest needs/I got heaven and I got hell.”

While many people get into porn because they find the idea of it thrilling, the “gun to the head” that compels others is often dire economic need.

Can Vivid really afford to let the world know that they are in the habit of “losing” essential documentation?