This year’s XRCO Awards were a great fun time; a perfect encapsulation of the misplaced resentment, earnest good will, limited attention span, dark humor, poor planning, and uncalibrated sense of history that Porn Valley’s 4-decades-old adult industry is known for.

Ridiculously mismanaged award shows are the comfort food of the porn industry.

“These are the hottest bitches in the world, and they all have penises,” Domino Presley says.

From now on I want all my parties to be hangar-based

“Bitch, please,” she said. “I just used my willpower to keep it from getting on camera.”

Any event with a sponsored open bar and Stoya is worth flying across the country for

Gram wonders what the plane fare might be to the type of place in which the XRCO Awards were actually “elegant”

“The recent proliferation of new porn awards is a sure sign the world economy is rebounding,” World Trade Organization Director-General Pascal Lamy did not say.

Since porn is usually about naked people, Gram took the bold step of humanizing this year’s Ropey Volley awards

Because there’s more than one way women can get ropey volleys lobbed across their faces and necks

Sometimes you can experience the whole world without leaving the room. It also helps if there are naked 19-year-olds in that room.

“I believe that only people who have been in the biz a long, long time have survived because they recognize and acknowledge the humor of it,”

Nina Hartley, meanwhile, gave a very-present Evan Stone his Best Actor trophy, and they groped each other for a good minute while I stood by, alone, waiting for my chance to do things to Kane that would make the Kama Sutra curl up and explode.

I will be presenting the Best Actress trophy at this year’s XBiz Awards, but I am unsure of how I should comport myself.