The Upper Floor and underground of

Lorelei Lee, Maitresse Madeline, and a poor electrocuted girl from Georgia

San Francisco’s, founded in 1997 as a single, catch-all fetish website, has grown to an umbrella organization comprising almost 20 specific, constantly updated websites for which content is generated around the world and collected in one big building on Mission Street.

The Armory, as I mentioned before, is a massive and imposing stone structure containing dozens of rooms suitable for filming as well as almost one hundred salaried employees. The closest Porn Valley equivalent is Hustler’s Dark Tower on Wilshire Blvd., which does not double as a studio.

The Armory, which was built to protect the National Guard against uprisings, is now home to sites like Wired Pussy, Ultimate Surrender, and Everything Butt as well as the experimental, expensive, and ambitious Upper Floor, a 24/7 Dominant/submissive lifestyle project set in several Edwardian-style rooms on Kink’s top floor.

I visited Kink last week to watch Lorelei Lee shoot a scene for Wired Pussy, in which Lee and Maitresse Madeline took advantage of tiny Ashley Jane’s neighborliness by electrocuting her like a PETA fox.

“I have a really small pussy,” Jane explained to Lee before the scene. “Please don’t, you know, tear me apart.”

“We’ll take really good care of you,” Lee said, unspooling a length of wire.

Jane, from a little town north of Atlanta where she lives with her fiancee, didn’t think Lee got the point.

“My pussy is so small,” she said. “You don’t even know how small it is.”

Lee and Madeline were, indeed, hulking Amazons by comparison, but they still managed to get everything inside Jane’s pussy that they hoped for, and Jane was perfectly cast as the reluctant circuitbreaker to Lee’s and Madeline’s electrifying lesbianism.

All three women were in transition that week. Lee was about to leave for a graduate program in New York (this has been independently verified; “going back to school” is porn’s version of a politician’s “need to spend more time with my family”), Madeline was about to move into the Armory as part of a documentary, and Jane was planning to move to Los Angeles, where she hopes to take the next step in her career as a Girls Only performer.

“No one’s penis but my fiancee’s touches me,” Jane said.

“Fair enough,” I said.

As Lee expertly tied Jane’s legs and ankles, the two discussed a sea sponge currently in Jane’s vagina. Jane was concerned it might be fucked out of reach.

“It’s a closed passage,” Lee said.

As a director, Lee was very thoughtful and considerate, considering the atrocities she was about to perpetrate on the pixie-sized Jane.

“Kink really treats performers well,” Jane said. “Despite what they’ve got me doing, I really feel safe here.”

One object that was about to invade Jane’s space was a cherry pie. Jane, a vegan, asked if there were any animal products that were about to find their way into her recesses.

“No animal products were used during the making of this pornographic film,” said Lee.

To be honest, those sure didn’t look like soy floggers Madeline was using, but then I didn’t check.

Maitresse Madeline, who up until recently lived in Las Vegas, is runway model tall. She could have easily carried Jane on her back or put her in her pocket. Instead she beat her mercilessly.

That is not to say Madeline is filled with rage and violence. She has particular affection for Lee.

“I think she’s the cat’s meow,” Madeline said. “I kiss a lot of girls, and she was the first one in a long time to give me goosebumps.”

The Wired Pussy shoot was in the basement, and I passed the filming of scenes for Men in Pain and Everything Butt as I made my way up three flights to the Upper Floor. Along the way I climbed a stairway used in (which has since been cleaned) and was sad to learn that that site is no longer being updated.

Other sites that didn’t make the cut:

  • Men Being Driven Over By Tractors
  • Exploding Mannequin
  • Humorless Lesbian Roast
  • People Who Don’t Look Good in Bondage Gear, like the Captain from Captain & Tennille
  • ChewbaccaFetish (injunction, not lack of interest)
  • Gavin Newsom for Governor
  • BART vs. MUNI Fuck-Off
  • BobaFettish (injunction, not lack of interest)
  • Sexual Humiliation of People Who Don’t Know They’re Being Sexually Humiliated
  • Women Being Buried Up to Their Necks in Rubber Nipples, Then Lactated On by Kleinfelter’s Syndrome Patients (.com)

The pictures don’t do the Upper Floor rooms justice, but if you can imagine a scene from a live action game of Clue, in which Mrs. Peacock did Miss Scarlet in the ass with a chess piece in the billiard room, you’ve got a good idea of the way the place looks. Then add a very stylish bar and a dining room in which chandeliers compete for space with nautical-grade iron loops for hanging slaves.

The centerpiece of the Upper Floor is a life-sized sculpture of a female nude created by Carol Acworth, mom of Kink CEO Peter Acworth. The younger Acworth put the finishing touches on his mother’s project by tying up the artwork that, though it is plaster, still manages to look juicy.

Census figures show that nearly every resident of San Francisco is involved in some alternative sexuality Arrangement, so it is hard to imagine how the applicant list for Upper Floor tenancy will be narrowed down.

  • See a gallery of my visit here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Lorelei Lee’s shocking departure; Urination under a groove –; Everything Butt the Girls; Enter the Adrianaconda
See also: Behind Kink, Wired Pussy

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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