I have never had a problem with replicants, cyborgs, or other sentient machines sharing a buffet table with me because, if anything, I don’t want to be among the first targeted when they inevitably rise up and harvest our organs.
But I am afraid that April Flores’ Voluptuous Cyberskin Pussy might be too real.
It arrived here at Gram Ponante Towers, Peyote Refinery, Curves Franchise, Aeroflot Terminal, and Trampolinarium on Monday to find Topco’s marital aid and I immediately placed it on a vacationing intern’s office chair. When I returned today after two days off I found it had been transformed into this excellent desk organizer.
“I can imagine Ben Franklin using one of these as an inkwell before a night of burning the midnight oil,” a coworker said.
“It looks like what girls at Office Depot use to dig out their tampons,” suggested another.
“She’s sweat. Wet. Got it going like a turbo ‘vette,” opined Sir Mixalot.
Then the intern walked in and said I owed him a new chair.
Of all the naturally-occurring lubricants, such as saliva, plasma, sperm, urine, and booty juice, none says wholesome American toil better than sweat. Still, there’s a time and a place for it.
“April Flores’ Cyberskin Voluptuous Pussy sweated all over my chair,” he said. Even as I type this, he is sitting on a paper towel. But here’s the thing:
I have sat adjacent to the actual April Flores’ Voluptuous Pussy several times and it has never sweated. April Flores herself is fresh and clean as a daisy. It is her skinjob Cylon pussy that is discrediting the real thing.
Removing the inorganic fleshmass to the top of a filing cabinet, I noticed the big wet spot it left behind. Could it be that my coworkers were using it carnally while I was gone?
“All I put in it was that Sharpie,” the Ben Franklin fan said.
Maybe by next month, when we can use embryonic stem cells to make voluptuous pussies of our own, the April Flores’ Sweating Robo-Vag will seem like an antique curiosity, like a rotary phone or the adult DVD market.
But today we can legitimately wonder if perspiring cyberpussies will take our jobs and make our flesh their own.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: April Flores – diva; Sarah Vandella makes me feel like a replicant; 10 things Upload is better than; Caprica Six gets a ten
See also: April Flores, Topco
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