Sucking cocks in Hell: Porn stars discuss horror movies
“This inhuman place makes human monsters” – Danny Torrance
geekery
"Battlestar Galactica": It’s all over but the frakking
It’s weird. I thought “Battlestar Galactica” was over and I didn’t know that Maxim still existed, and yet there sprawl Tricia Helfer and Grace Park […]
Precogs, Anabots, and why dumb girls are hot
Wicked’s “2040,” which ends with Randy Spears walking south into the sunset with barely-verbal cyborg girlfriend Alektra Blue, reminded me a little of the 2002 […]
The Only thing wrong with "The Sex Files"
…is the title. And that wasn’t even their fault. See the review here. In the meantime, enjoy these pictures. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Kimberly […]
The Sex Files: A Dark XXX Parody
If you Trust No One other than me, you really should see “The Sex Files.” You’ll believe – in your pants!!!!
Today in porn swag: Last minute edition
I wanted to let you know that the future of erotica arrived in my mailbox this morning, so any of you who wanted to be […]
Adam & Eve debuts Ford hybrid
Former girls-only performer Alexis Ford is Adam & Eve’s newest contract girl, filling out the triumpornate built on Kayden Kross and Bree Olson, and acting […]
Legal briefs: Satan’s whore hard to prosecute
For a few glorious weeks, New Sensations’ “X Files” fan fiction porno went by the name of the original show, with the subtitle “A Dark […]
Sex in public with April O’Neil
Of course I love the pictures of April O’Neil spreading for passersby on a traffic island, but somehow it is the picture above that looks […]
Hot interspecies action
You should really see “District 9.” You might think South Africa is only about Paul Simon and home invasions, but this movie gives ordinary people […]
Today in geekery: "The X-Files – A Dark XXX Parody"
You all know me; you know how I earn a livin’. And you probably know that the tone, execution, and intent of a porn movie, […]
You’re gonna need a bigger throat: Various porn stars posing with my first edition of "Jaws"
Why, you ask? Well, three thousand bucks buys a lot of roast. Angelina Armani lives every day like it’s Shark Week. If she were a […]
Professional johns review "The Girlfriend Experience"
No matter how you slice it, Sasha Grey comes out the winner regardless of how Steven Soderbergh’s “The Girlfriend Experience” is reviewed. Shot on the […]
Hustler XXX XXXI
It is so explicit, in fact, that there appears to be a dollop of splooge coating the 31.
Hustler avoids saying "Sector 69" in "Star Trek" parody
The genius that resulted in porn’s two finest ham actors, Nick Manning and Evan Stone, being cast as Khan and Kirk, respectively, in Hustler’s “This […]
Does Caprica look like Zion to you?
Having watched the pilot episode of “Caprica” (or, as we say at Gram Ponante Towers, Daggett Kennel, Viper Dock, and Resurrection Ship, “One Tree Galactica” […]
All your base are on Faith Leon’s face
The winner of the “What Is Faith Leon thinking?” contest is a person called “Neckties for Reptiles,” who, on further research, has a very thoughtful […]
Japanese massage scammers never counted on vengeance beyond the grave
As a licensed clinical massage therapist, or massagynist, I object to the portrayal of my craft in Hidden Camera Massage Scam as just a ploy […]
Does Cyberskin April Flores dream of electric sheep?
I have never had a problem with replicants, cyborgs, or other sentient machines sharing a buffet table with me because, if anything, I don’t want […]
If Ryder Skye has you by the frenulum, watch your meringue
It isn’t my penis (mine isn’t so small and blue, nor does it fit in a notebook), but Ryder Skye recently drew a penis to […]