Wicked Pictures threw a party for the new Stormy Daniels movie Operation Desert Stormy last night at the House of Blues that was characterized by scarcity and excess. For example, the event had a generous three-hour open bar but parking cost .50 for every foot away from where I stood that the valet parked my car. And while porn is a gloriously visual medium, I was not allowed to bring my camera.
Here, then, are artistic renderings of some of the more memorable events, starting with the screening room in which adults not accustomed to watching porn together viewed the movie all the way through.
See more art after the gap.
I spoke with Gia Paloma, who tried to reduce my natural affection for her to wanting to be in her. Is that all you think you are to me? I sobbed. I can think of so many other prepositions in addition to in, such as atop, aboard, and amid. Deliciously amid.
I also met the charming Roxy DeVille, who had a refreshing list of things she wouldn’t do in porn. “Also, no spitting in my mouth,” she said. I don’t even spit in my own mouth.
Tommy Gunn showed up with a new haircut. “I’m thinking of reinventing myself,” he said. Gunn is a cool dude. It seems like assholes should be the ones reinventing themselves. I want to go up to some asshole and say, “Go reinvent yourself, you asshole. Don’t make good people do it.”
I noted that the IAFD thought this week was Gunn’s birthday, but at least they took seven years off the total.
Evan Stone made a big deal of Ron Jeremy being there. I feel my rendering of Jeremy is my greatest achievement. Signed prints of all of this art will be available when I self-publish my book.
As a hardy man of purpose, my biggest gripe with Los Angeles is having to pay a ridiculous (to me) amount of money to have some working-for-tips shmoe park my car within feet of where I’m standing. Unlike going to a sushi restaurant and paying to eat food I can’t prepare myself or going to a bar to buy drinks in glasses that light up, I have the ability and means to park my own car. Still, I tipped the poor slob three bucks to back my car thirty feet. Least he could have done was wash it.
Still: free drinks!
Wicked has, without a doubt, delivered the best packaging of its tentpole movies in anticipation of this month’s AVN nomination deadline. Read the review of its other contender in the drama category, Brad Armstrong’s Coming Home, here.
Previously: Stormy, but everything will be fine (on the set of Operation Desert Stormy)
See also: Wicked Pictures
Grams, this Thurberesque/Lennonesque art is potentially a brilliant new revenue stream for you
Goddammit, I was hoping to be the first to suggest that you take up a career as James Thurber. It will have to be enough to be the first to point out that your portrait of Ron Jeremy marks the first time that a picture of him has ever made me think of D’Artagnan (although if it were really an accurate rendering, it should have made me think of Porthos).
Thanks, man I feel like I was there sans hangover, valet fee sodomy, and RJ grease stains.
Damn, I can’t believe I’ve just stumbled upon this hilarious article, only THREE years and 2 months late! Well, I reviewed the film and did a promo package for Wicked (I put the link on my name). Absolutely loved it. Yes, I’m a chick so features appeal, but hey, I like the hardcore over lovey-dovey crap for what it’s worth. Highly recommend the DVD because the packaging is great: Dr. Strangelove would be proud.