Too big for a Twitter post, too little for a novel, here are the week’s pornollaneous events that, taken as a whole, answer the most basic questions about our existence.
This Week: Thank God It’s Tweety, The Lewinsky Factor Is Science, A Joke, Gang Bang Preparation, Pornstars Sought for Unpaid Participation in Web Venture
Tweety Valentine: Nom de Porn of the Month
Perhaps 20-year-old Tweety Valentine will be around long enough for me to ask her personally what divinity intervened to choose her porn name. And when I find out, I will build that god a shrine.
There she is, standing all plump, shaved, and ready in the kitchen. What would you say if you walked around the corner to that?
Why, you would say Tweety Valentine, of course.
Don’t worry that there looks to be nothing at all to eat in the kitchen that isn’t two decades old (meaning: Tweety); it will be at least three days before you realize it.
Ms. Valentine is represented by Metro Talent Management.
University of Texas Researchers Prove Lewinsky Effect
Using Science, researchers at the University of Texas have found that, more often, men prefer curvier women for short-term relationships but are likelier to settle down with women who have pretty faces.
In other words, don’t buy the cow.
Participants were asked to look at an image and decide whether they would consider this person for a one-night stand or a marriage partner, but the image was covered by two boxes. In order to make their decisions, they were allowed to uncover only one box; either the face or the body.
The research determined that most men opted to see the body in cases when the mate was to be considered for short-term relationships, but when considering potential marriage partners, the box was removed from the face.
I believe this, but am an unfortunate victim of evolution: because I am both less-evolved and nearsighted, I will often just grab a woman’s hips instead of saying hello. But I am reminded of the short-term preferences of former President Clinton as well as Thomas Hayden Church’s character in “Sideways,” when he looks at a plump waitress and says, “She looks like the kind who’d be grateful.”
Psychology graduate student Carin Perilloux said that some indication as to why a woman’s body is more appealing to men for physical relations has to do with her body’s indication of fertility.
“Studies show that a woman’s waist-to-hip ratio is a cue to her current fertility levels, so a higher waist-to-hip ratio would mean higher fertility rates,” Perilloux said. “Cues that are associated with high fertility are not a conscious mechanism. It is a subconscious method of attraction.”
Now that what I have known all along has been proven by 375 people deep in the heart of Texas, what do we do about it? Certainly there must be a healthy, corn-fed crop of curvy women out there who will engage in high hip-to-waist ratio relationships knowing that they are only to be one night stands. How to hook them up with like-minded men?
I wonder if CasualFatty.com is still available…
A Joke
As Lance has not said anything useful all week, here is one of my favorite jokes. Because it is the kind of thing that would be given away if I wrote it (well, I suppose I could write it poorly, but I don’t want to steal any thunder from anyone else working in the porn industry), I have used Advanced Science to embed an audio clip. Enjoy!
Listen to A Joke:
[audio:http://gramponante.com/GPImages/GPVids/glee.mp3|titles=Joke1|artists=GramPonante]
Balls Deep in Sabrina Deep
I will be liveblogging Sabrina Deep’s Gangbang this weekend. One thing to remember on such sets is that you really need to breathe through your mouth.
Porn Star Pundits needs Porn Stars Who Are Pundits
The statuesque and enthralling Dawn Tulman, creator of the Toibocks, sends the following Princess Leia hologram request:
Wonder if you’re interested in helping out a pretty girl who likes to spill her drinks on expensive suits? LOL
I’m hosting this new radio show
http://www.thedamagereport.tv/porn_star_pundits.html
I need to book some adult talent 🙂 I really don’t follow porn and I know you do… so I’m wondering if you could point me toward some male or female talent that could hold their own talking politics and popular headlines of the day?
Would really appreciate any bone you could throw me 😉 well… you know what i mean LOL.
Interested and articulate porn performers can find Dawn at ToiBocks.com.
G, that joke is only slightly younger than Tweety Valentine, and not nearly as cute.
“Two tons of fun.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
Also, I always thought it was a long a.