It is AVN Awards nomination season, and Wicked Pictures has again outdone itself in the swag packages it has provided for two of its hopeful contenders, Fallen, the jessica drake porning of Wings of Desire, and the Kaylani Lei/Stormy Daniels vampire flick The Wicked.
I asked Wicked publicist Heth Mares if there was a conflict of interest in hyping two productions from directors Michael Raven (The Wicked) and Brad Armstrong (Fallen) with swag boxes. She responded by e-mail, but I do not think a gun was being held to her head:
Truthfully, we’re all family here. We really do support each other’s movies. In fact, Michael Raven shot one of the cameras for Fallen! We’re always happy if any of our films win no matter who the director or star is. What you’ll often hear us shout out at awards shows is the phrase ‘keeping it in the family!’ if two of our movies/directors/stars are nominated in the same catagory and one wins.
Wicked uses a couple of swag fulfillment companies to prepare its screener packages. Below I list what came with each movie.
Fallen
- Fallen candle
- Commemorative coin
- Feathers
- Fallen t-shirt
- Fallen ball cap
The Wicked
- Blood squib
- Red confetti streamers
- The Wicked mousepad with blood-like liquid inside
- The Wicked wool cap
- The Wicked t-shirt
Both packages came in a fancy photo-printed cardboard box with a copy of the movie.
I have yet to watch either movie, but when I do, I am going to think of the swag package they came in and the usefulness of the products therein.
The first thing I saw in the Fallen box was the ball cap and – look at the picture – I thought the design looked like the tattoo you’d find on the arm of your garden variety L.A. douchebag. Fail. But then I saw the candle. I actually use candles. Score.
But I cannot imagine using any of the other items in the swag boxes. Unless you are a Son of Liberty and also have a barrel of tar for His Majesty’s tax collector, what are you going to do with the feathers? And what Road Warrior civilization does Wicked Pictures predict will necessitate bartering with Fallen commemorative coins?
Post-apocalyptic beggar: My family needs water, cheese, and bread
Me: What have you to offer me? Dune spices? Fuel? The One Ring?
Post-apocalyptic beggar: I have this Fallen commemorative coin
Fallen‘s candle redeems everything. The Wicked‘s bloody mousepad, though….who uses mousepads anymore? And only if I am trying to fake an aneurysm to get off jury duty could I imagine using a blood squib.
But thanks!
That said, I love swag of all kinds, and I’m sure I will enjoy the movies.
Speaking of swag, more than a year after receiving them, I finally consumed the two bottles of fusion licquer that came with Metro’s XXX promotion. They were excellent.
So let that be a lesson to you: if you are already sending a porn movie, why not send alcohol?
Watch The Wicked here
Watch The Wicked here
Watch Fallen here
Watch Fallen here
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Today in porn swag
See also: Wicked
People who work for cheapass companies that haven’t bought everyone in the company an optical mouse yet – that’s who uses mouse pads, Gram. People who still have their monitors all up in their faces because LCD screens cost too much. People who still hold their phones to their ears because the company has only given Bluetooth headsets to selected important employees, THAT’S WHO STILL USES MOUSE PADS!
Then I will ask you this: DO YOU WANT THIS MOUSEPAD? It bleeds like a religious relic.
I don’t know how I could turn a mousepad like that down. I don’t think I would even try to turn a mousepad like that down. I can’t even begin to imagine the words I would use – it seems like “no” or even “um” would be pitifully inadequate. You say it bleeds?
I want that mousepad.
What will you accept in return for it?
Curses – I wanted that mouse pad!
*4 days late and a bloody mouse pad short – story of my life*