I am beginning to feel that Adolf Hitler is Wurming his way back into public consciousness through porn. First Stoya’s Hakenkreuz Schamhaare, now Megan Fox.
Maybe some people who’ve been around the business longer can comment on this, but years ago it did not seem like mainstream celebrities were as often compared to porn stars as they are now. Why is that?
Perhaps because of insightful and elegant websites like Porn Valley Observed, consumers are now much more aware of the offscreen personalities of porn performers, and they realize that their mainstream idols are more similar than not to their gaping, fisting, squirting counterparts.
No one ever said, back in 1984, that it was just a matter of time before “Gimme A Break”‘s Nell Carter did porn. But Britney Spears? Paris Hilton? Megan Fox? The clock is ticking.
Because I attribute to Asians the great wisdom Stephen King gives to ten-year-olds, I listened in rapt attention to porn publicist Wayne Hentai as he broke down what makes “Transformers” star Megan Fox a shoo-in for porn.
“She has the ready-made name of a porn star,” Hentai said. “She has all the bad tattoos of a porn star, and she has the attitude of a porn star… with a contract.”
Fox said that working with director Michael Bay on the “Transformers” movies “was like working with Hitler.” Then, three longtime employees of Bay’s defended him by saying, among other things:
“Megan is the queen of talking trailer trash and posing like a porn star. And yes we’ve had the unbearable time of watching her try to act on set, and yes, it’s very cringe-able. So maybe, being a porn star in the future might be a good career option. But make-up beware, she has a paragraph tattooed to her backside (probably due her rotten childhood) easily another 45 minutes in the chair!”
Bay responded to both the Hitler comment and his defenders by politely negating both.
“I don’t condone the crew letter to Megan. And I don’t condone Megan’s outlandish quotes. But her crazy quips are part of her crazy charm.”
Hentai feels that Bay and Fox are locked in a particularly porny dance familiar to anyone who has watched a contract star being wheeled out of The Sands on a stretcher, trailing cocaine.
“By saying Fox has a ‘crazy charm,’ sounds not unlike a porn studio mogul swatting off overdose rumors at the AEE show,” Hentai said, “only Bay makes (somewhat) better movies.”
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Stoya finds pierogies, cigarettes in Philadelphia; Does Aryan have the reich stuff?; “TMSleaze” is a sign of the times; Britney Spears continues to hold out hope of immaculate conception
See also: Michael Bay
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