Vivid offers contracts to journalists, athletes, relatives

Vivid, which has in recent months offered movie deals to Octomom Nadya Suleman, embattled Miss California Carrie Prejean, and “Britain’s Got Talent” star Susan Boyle, today pitched multi-picture deals to freed journalist Roxana Suberi, Preakness winner Rachel Alexandra, and your mother. “We want everyone in America to become a Vivid Girl,” Vivid cofounder Steven Hirsch…

Cui Boner or: AVN is like a Rolling Stone

Ain’t it hard to discover that/He ain’t really where it’s at/After he took from you everything he could steal?/How does it feel? – Bob Dylan I got a message from a colleague who happens to work at an adult trade publication. “This is ripe for your site, Gram,” stated the colleague, attaching several meticulously scanned…

Lisa Ann snatches Eminem from obscurity

Lisa Ann becomes the first porn star to reprise a character she created for an adult film in Eminem’s “We Made You.” And she, as Sarah Palin, has a pretty big role, too, cavorting with Mr. Mathers (dressed as Bret Michaels), an eskimo, and a polar bear. The video also features impersonations of Amy Winehouse,…

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Matthew, Mark, “Throat,” and johns

It’s Holy Week at Vivid, and Paul Thomas and Sasha Grey have at least 75 percent of the Gospels wrapped up. I’m sure it is the deepest hope of many people connected to individuals in the Porno-Industrial Complex that their loved ones throw down their Fleet enemas, designer lubes, and pthalate-free inflatable Pamela Peakses in…

2008 in Review: Most in need of a creative consultant

Abby Winters I award because I love. These fleshy Sapphic Australians squish and frot together with their armpit hair, belly rolls, tribal tattoos, Linda Koslowski aspirations, Lord of the Rings-adjacent accents, mannish underpants, flushed cheeks, natural breasts, and an amazing ability to pick the most boring titles ever.Hidden Desires? It sounds like a Skinemax movie…

Gram did not slip away on you

As you know, in addition to being America’s Beloved Porn Journalist I am the Western Hemisphere’s foremost Gordon Lightfoot biographer. Only China’s Xiao Pang “Rainy Day Panda” Pei is ahead of me in Lightfoot research on the world stage, but his books are often suppressed. In any case, I have been approached by publishers to…

Same time last year

Now that I have the World’s Largest Porn Journalism Archive1 I am going to regularly cash in on some gems from the past: Lexington Steele becomes a Buddhist (November 17, 2006) I name-check Sweet (November 17, 2006) I suggest adding an asterisk to the names of Porn Hall of Fame inductees who use performance-enhancing drugs…

Bree to sprees, Who, and Wii

I don’t normally write about contests (competition is for the weak), but Adam & Eve has launched a $25,000 holiday giveaway that offers the delicious possibilities of an Adult Entertainment Expo lunch date with Bree Olson (and I don’t think it will be at the Krispy Kreme cart outside the convention hall, either), a Vespa…

Almost heaven: Breast, vagina

“Life is old there,” Courtney Cummz didn’t explain of her return to West Virginia to dance tonight. “Older than the trees.” Cummz headlines tonight at Divas Club in Kearneysville, on a country road between Virginia and Maryland, and also between the Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River. Tomorrow she will sign autographs at Bunker Hill’s Sensual…

Your day in Creamplosions

Many times I will go to porn sets and spend hour upon delightful hour listening to the director wax on about his place in cinematic history, watching paint (or other substances) dry, getting physically assaulted by self-fulfilling prophecies, eating Kirkland-brand snacks and, if I’m lucky, experiencing porn. But Anabolic director Ivan was no-nonsense on the…

McCain to take the world in love embrace at Sturgis Rally

John McCain, Republican candidate for President, will open up for Kid Rock tonight in Sturgis, South Dakota, as part of its annual motorcycle rally. “All we represent to them, Man, is somebody needs haircuts,” McCain will not tell revelers at the Black Hills two-wheeled debauch-a-thon, not adding, “I like smoke and lightning – heavy metal…

Ashlynn Brooke and Tommy Gunn deliver poignant anti-alcohol message

By the 10-minute mark in most AVN award shows, the heady thrill that accompanies the 2-hour wait for the show to start has dwindled considerably. That is why many people don’t remember that the band Buckcherry played the AVN show in 2007 on the strength of their 2006 hit “Crazy Bitch.” I use “Crazy Bitch”…

Penthouse pets shout at Devil, Letterman

Penthouse Pets Lux Kassidy, Melissa Jacobs, and the delightful Heather Vandeven tonight will join a reconstituted and perhaps even artificially resuscitated Motley Crue on “The Late Show with David Letterman” in support of the band’s new “Saints of Los Angeles” record, which deals, I am speculating, with that group’s recent canonization by Pope Benedict XVI…

Walk (Alix Lakehurst) every day into a shady place

Alix Lakehurst, back from rehab and high on life (who knew she was on drugs?) plays Kim Deal or No Deal for her fans on her website. When asked “Where is my mind?” Lakehurst responded, “Try your pants.” Previously: Girls Loving Girls mini-review; Riding on the MetroSee also: Alix Lakehurst

Life after porn: Aylar Lie makes up with Basshunter, herself

The Tehran-born Norwegian model Aylar Lie shot a few videos for Red Light District and other companies in 2002, making her one of the only Persian porn stars in memory. Performing as Diana, Lie was described by the eminent reviewer Roger Pipe as “very pretty” but he also noted that she might have been too…

I like to see a little more fat

Vivid Plus’ has released its heavier women epic Curvaceous. I went to the digital capture of this movie last August (I won’t say “taping,” I’d be embarrassed to say “lensing,” and it would be inaccurate to say “filming”) and there was so much flesh that producers allowed me to take home a to go bag…

Pretend you don’t see it, Leilani

“In the end, Ange Venus brings the whole thing over the line into a sort of, er, lack of redemption,” David Aaron Clark said. “When all four of them get together.” “So why didn’t you call it ‘One Stroke over the Line, Ange Venus’?” I asked. “I didn’t have the resources at the time,” he…