Not one cast member I talked with on the set of Hustler’s “Saved By the Bell XXX” had seen the original show.
“So does that mean your interpretation of Screech will be all art?” I asked Ralph Long, who was affixing a prosthetic nose to inhabit the role Dustin Diamond made famous between 1989 and 1993.
“Yes,” he said. “I don’t even know how he talked. But I get a blowjob.”
If you consider that Gen X-ers were aged out of high school fare by the time this sitcom came around, that porn’s current crop of teens weren’t even born, and that the show that made Elizabeth Berkley famous wasn’t in wide syndication yet, you might wonder, like I did, who is the audience for this movie.
“I play a slutty girl,” said Ally Ann. And that was enough for me.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but Ally Ann was the best part of an otherwise awful porn viewing experience for me. I’d successfully blocked out “The Lingerie Salesman’s Worst Nightmare” when I arrived at Hustler’s resurgent studios and found Ms. Ann decked out in her slutwear, and so didn’t have the chance to tell her that she was the reason I hadn’t closed GramPonante.com to replace Bill Bratton as L.A.’s chief of police.
Written by Roger Krypton, who pens many of Hustler’s parodies, “Saved by the Bell XXX” faithfully follows the format of the source material, which was eye candy for tweens, but prudently ages the cast a few years.
The day I visited the set featured a classroom scene. Misty Stone happened to be naked, which was fortunate. Meanwhile Missy Stone was in character as the bitchy Jessie.
I didn’t ask her if she’d ever seen “Showgirls” because I have learned that sometimes it is enough to just wonder something; asking the question, in certain cases, just ruins it for everybody.
In the classroom I met Ashlyn Rae, who is adorable, and posed the cast as I would imagine it would have been when Tiffani-Amber Thiessen was still alive, with Slater holding a football and Zack throwing a paper airplane.
UPDATE: Thank God, Tiffani-Amber Thiessen is still alive. Oh, Thank God.
Director Axel Braun has a unique perspective on the adaptation, having actually watched the original as a teen in Italy.
“The show came out a few years later in Italy after it was on in the United States,” he said. “But there it was called ‘Bayside School.'”
“‘Bayside School‘?”
“Si,” he said, “because who knows in Italy what ‘Saved by the Bell’ means? So they call it ‘Bayside School.'”
I am surprised anyone would tune into a show called “Bayside School,” unless the liberal Italians got a version of the show intercut with a certain Paul Verhoeven vehicle that wasn’t “Starship Troopers.”
Leaving the set, I felt like the only person who would fully understand the “Saved by the Bell” experience was Braun, who had seen it in Italian. I am looking forward to his Mediterranean take on American high school life.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: We shall overcome (on your face); Arianna Huffington validates porn parodies; Bree Olson’s future planning; Before they were porn stars – Screech
See also: Hustler
I find it inconceivable that none of the cast had seen the show before.
Oh – not thrilled by the casting choices (aside from the delectable Misty Stone – even though I think Lacey Duvalle or Marie Luv would have been a better fit – and maybe Missy Stone)… but it might hopefully be better than expected.