When the screen is a gloryhole

When all practical means of creating enjoyable legal pornography are eradicated some time next week, we will no longer have the delightful porn trope of Penises Entering from the Side of the Frame.

Here is the buoyant Abbie Cat (now 57 percent more buoyant due to a recent breast augmentation) on the set of “Mofos Worldwide #6.” She is clearly saying—in her native Magyar—”How I will miss this artificial world porn has created in which penises are like puppets and they just appear.”

Speaking of things appearing, I chose this movie to watch because of Cat’s pert but innocent photo on the cover. She looks nowhere near so airbrushedly wholesome in the movie, but I’m not complaining.

Are there other filmic tropes that only happen in porn? Sure. No one kisses in real life or Hollywood movies like porn stars do. Porn stars make sounds when they kiss like my dog does when he’s drinking water after a hike. And I have never seen a woman bite her pinky and suck air through her teeth when she thinks about sex, have you? No, you haven’t.

Recently I met a 19-year-old woman who was neither a stripper nor a porn performer who slapped her own ass as an enticement, and I chalked that up to the fact that she had learned everything she knew about sex from porn.

“Please don’t do that,” I said, shooting myself in the foot but saving her for the next guy, “you look ridiculous.”

Buy “Mofos Worldwide #6” here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: This Ain’t Portal XXX
See also: Mofos; Up the Ass of Abbie Cat (fleshbot)