Inside/Outside: The Darkness within Joanna Angel
Angel raps in a way that suggests Sir Mix-a-Lot got married to the Waitresses and begat Sarah Silverman.
Month: April 2010
XRCO Awards 2010: But it’s our clusterfuck
Because porn performers are rarely recognized for their work, it seems fitting that this homespun-seeming garage band of an event reflects the quality of the average porn movie.
“Turbo Rock”‘s girls together outrageously
“Turbo Rock” is a very special porn movie that will make you learn to love groupies and enemas again.
Your fantastic tits don’t make you a college professor, Daphne Rosen
That’s like when I was 2, ate all the fudge, had chocolate all over me, and told my mother the dog had shat on my face.
Don’t beat yourself up, Mika Tan: Call the Gangbang Squad
The Gangbang Squad: They were coming to rob her house, but they stole her heart instead. (And also fucked her.)
The Bad Porn Contest: April
I will send you both “The Senator’s Daughter” and (what I consider) a good movie if you …
Hef Saves Hollywood; But Who Will Save the Lamplighter’s Monte Cristo?
If the Hollywood sign is to other-side-of-the-hill Los Angeles as the Eiffel Tower is to Paris, what is the symbol of Porn Valley? Would you donate money for the Lamplighter to be saved?
Eating Out Kirsten Price: “Dinner at Frankie’s”
Maybe the girls don’t all look like Kirsten Price, Kaylani Lei, and Alektra Blue where you live, but you will recognize their characters in “Dinner at Frankie’s,” and that’s what makes this movie special.
Coitus: On the set of “The Big Lebowski” porn parody
The Coen Brothers’ original is a beloved movie that is full of pornish tie-ins already: Now Tom Byron as The Dude will carry a storyline involving stolen porn VHS tapes “that really tied his collection together.”
Thunder from Covina: Dylan Ryan gets her kicks above waistline, border
High school was a random, strange time. I wanted to fit in whist simultaneously not giving a flying fuck about fitting it.
Diamond Foxxx gives a little extra, obviously
If Diamond Foxxx is this good in basic administrative tasks, think about the dedication she’d bring to a blowjob.
Shall I eat A. Peach? or: The Love Song of Mandingo
In the room the women come and go, Talking of Mandingo
The Pop Shot heard ’round the world
Cross the crude tart that arched her back, They frown with sneakered toes recurled
Here stands the mopey gangbang pack, To pop their shots on gaping girls
The Good Old Days weren’t always good: “The Senator’s Daughter”
“… the couple rides through the empty streets of Century City in a convertible limousine, waving to no one. It’s like the money ran out.”
“This Ain’t Star Trek 2 XXX: The Butterfly Effect” or “This Ain’t ‘Wrath of Khan,’ either”
All I wanted from this NC(C)-17(01) adaptation of “Star Trek 2” was that the Ricardo Montalban character not be called “Khunt.”
Preventing “This Ain’t Antichrist XXX”
It is because “Antichrist” says something so sweet, tender, and true about the relationships between men and Satan’s personifications of the fury of nature (or, as von Trier calls them, “women”), that I’d rather not see it corrupted by a porn adaptation.
Star 80: Lexington Steele fends off Facebook fauxfuckers
You could call Steele’s Facebook dilemma Cybersquatting 2.0, because he is competing with entities who didn’t even pay an up-front charge to impersonate him, and who don’t stand to profit financially.
Porn Valley Two-Headed Donkey Tour: The Wonderland Murders
John Holmes began hanging around with a group of thugs who lived in a three-story home on the twisty mountainside Wonderland Avenue. He became their mule and errand boy in exchange for drugs.
The Devil In Tanner Mayes
I spent a pleasant afternoon with a naked Tanner Mayes, her tiny dog, and Satan. Mayes made the biggest impression.
Today in quasi-porn hysteria: Allred, Dread, McReady, and Kate Gosselin’s Playboy spread
Only porn stars deserve publicity for acting like porn stars, especially because it’s their job and because they do it so much better than the likes of Tiger Woods or Kate Gosselin.