Gram extols the educational benefits of watching porn movies involving teachers

Perhaps the Old Ones, tittering behind the clouds from their blighted mansions of non-Euclidean geometries, had a tentacle in my being spared the L.A.P.D.’s latest scam.

“Fuckin’ puppies probably deserved it. I hate puppies.”

In an exclusive interview, Michael Ninn talks about getting his name—and his movies—back

Did you know that it is the Director who dictates on what part of the pornstresses’ person the ropey volley is deposited? I felt like a slightly-less-disgusting Babe Ruth.

Teagan’s take on the calculating trophy wife really does the job

Because it is Presidents’ Week, I am remembering my visit to the set of “Here Cums the President.”

If Aiden Starr is past 21 and still showing up in “Barely Legal” movies, does that mean all those milves don’t have offspring waiting at home?

“These people are my family,” Hartley says. “And I really feel supported. I like seeing them without having to have a benefit, of course.”

“I feel bad for the guys who got into the business in the 70′s and 80′s and 90′s and were rolling in money but they didn’t adapt,” Ivan says. “They’re the guys suffering now.”

I knew I was dealing with serious Trekkies when Giles, the British Patrick Stewart lookalike whose business card features the actor dressed as both Jean-Luc Picard and Dr. Xavier from “X-Men,” used the word “canonical.”

You will notice that Lakehurst is not a delicate flower, and the zaftig firecracker is short enough so that her heavy, natural breasts, when placed on a low, glass-topped table at a sushi restaurant, expand from the ginger to the wasabi.

“Do you mind that I’m on my period?” she asked. “Oh Hell No,” I said.

“So,” I said, thinking too hard, “did you porn-name yourself after Nice in France and no one figured out how to pronounce it?”

Sage’s origin story is similar in theme, if not the particulars, to that of a lot of people. She got spanked in public and a switch flipped.

This may be the most vivid allegory of the porn industry by a parody yet; a movie about prostitution interpreted by people who have sex for money but who do not consider themselves prostitutes.

“Save Me from Myself” is a little like “The Devil in Miss Jones,” in which Miss Jones finds herself in Hell having not really enjoyed the life that got her there.

The crew gasped with admiration when Brooke Banner disrobed. That was heartwarming.

“I was always dirty in the head,” Allie Haze said, “but I never acted on it. [Porn] is liberating in that it frees your mind about other things, too.”

Lily Labeau is the type of person you’d like no matter how many clothes she has on