Gash of the Ass Titans

While I am uncomfortable with the terms “gash,” “quim,” “spunk,” “jism” (but not “jazm“), “cocksnot,” “bunghole,” “queef” (except as a word that rhymes with “Lee Van Cleef“), “cunt” (except when the British combine it with “stupid”), “the shitter,” “dirtpipe,” “stink star,” ATOGM, and “love juices,” this will not stop me from using one of them in the subject line if it satisfies my need for a quick pun.

(I do enjoy the word “poon.”)

As you know, the Titans in Greek mythology were the gods who preceded the Olympians. Cronos, the leader of the Titans, was defeated by his son Zeus and was banished with his kind to Tartarus, the Greeks’ deep, dark place. Later, Dante had Cronos and his cohorts half-buried in ice and guarding the frozen lake of Cocytus in the “Inferno.”

It is with this sense of history that you must approach the website “Ass Titans.”

Filmed mostly by Raul Cristian here in Porn Valley, “Ass Titans” is not for people fearful of asses. And even though Cronos famously castrated his own father, Uranus, my feeling is that the women on this site are all about the customer service.

The reason I believe this is because the site is full of those fantastic force-perspective shots in which the asses pop right out at you. It is as if Adrianna Nicole and Mason Moore, Sophie Deee and Trina Michaels, and Audrey Bitoni and Mackenzee Pierce are backing up a truckload of ass to your door, probably as partial payment for castrating your dad.

(What Loona Luxx is doing I’m not sure, but I’m sure Keith Haring would be interested if he liked girls.)

With hundreds of galleries and movies arranged by model on this site, “Ass Titans” is perfect for people who, like the love child of Joni Mitchell and Sir Mixalot, look at life from backsides, now.

And for those of you who are still worried about getting your dicks cut off by your offspring, remember that there is no such thing as an ass baby.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: When life gives you gapes, make lemonade; The Prehensile ass of Kiki Vidis; God, give me the serenity to accept Asseaters Unanimous
See also: Ass Titans