When you wishlist upon a porn star: Gifting etiquette in the adult industry

Porn stars and celebrities in general have always received gifts from fans and admirers, but not since the advent of the public wishlist—a tool previously limited to special occasions like birthdays and wedding registries—have they realized the power and responsibility of not only asking for what they want, but also getting it.

I talked with several female porn performers about their wishlist experience.

“There are times when I truly feel awkward about being so spoiled by people who like my work,” says January Seraph who, as a Dominatrix, belongs to a sector of the adult industry that is more used to receiving tribute, sometimes called “financial domination.” Still, “when I launched my Domination site, I was astounded by not only the frequency of, but [also] the generosity of my new clients and fans in their acts of gift giving.”

Why do you think fans give gifts?

“I think they expect me to recognize them as ‘better’ fans than others, as if watching my movies and buying me hot dogs at conventions were not enough,” says Natasha Nice. “I hope they expect me to enjoy the gift.”

“Some don’t expect anything,” says Bobbi Starr. “Some assume they own you after they purchase a gift.”

“I think they expect me to be happy, and to acknowledge their generosity,” says Seraph. “Which I always am and do.  I don’t feel that anyone owes me anything, ever, unless I’ve worked hard for it.  So gifts are truly something I don’t expect, and I’m always appreciative.”

Everyone I talked with seemed pleasantly surprised by this alternate means of getting things both practical (latex thigh-highs are practical if you work in the adult industry) and frivolous, like a new hat. But they also said they believe there’s a right way and a wrong way to let fans know about their wishlists.

“If you post your wishlist too much (via Twitter or Facebook, for example) you can come off like a beggar,” says Kimberly Kane. “The wishlist is supposed to be fun and light-hearted, not aggressive.”

“The act of giving a present should originate from the sender,” says Seraph, “not from someone soliciting a gift from someone (or everyone).”

Nice agrees, probably because she’s Nice.

“If you are promoting your wishlist everyday but not offering anything in return, you are wrongfully pimping your wishlist,” she says.

That is why each performer will respond with a thank you token like an e-mail, phone call, or signed DVD.

“Two days every month I spend taking pictures of myself in their gifts and sending them little care packages,” says Kristina Rose. “I buy my movies at a discount and send them one along with the pictures and an autograph. Little stuff like that.”

“It depends on the amount the gift giver spends and what the he/she allows,” says Starr, “some people, for their own reasons, don’t want to be acknowledged.”

Kane also observes that some gifters seem to want nothing in return.

“I’ll email a thank you, take pictures of me with my gifts, and I also send back everyone signed 8×10’s and movies if they say it’s okay to receive gifts back,” she says.

In the fractured porn economy, performers are adding to their revenue streams (or at least defraying their spending) by selling homemade clips at sites like Clips4Sale.com or interacting with fans on personal cam sites like Streamate.com. And though Twitter and Facebook are not moneymaking ventures, a performer’s natural tendency to both interact and monetize makes those platforms great ways to create beneficial relationships with fans.

“[Wishlists are] another way to interact with my fans on a more personal level,” says Kane. “It helps get my movies out to my fans that are really dedicated.”

Most performers have wishlists, so I created one, too, just to see what would happen. (“Good luck,” says Seraph.) But I haven’t received either my houseboat or my bass trumpet or my MacBook Pro. I’m assuming that this is either because I’m not selling it hard enough or because no one wants a signed 8×10 of me squatting on a glass coffeetable. If the latter, I have a little more faith in the world.

Each person I talked with keeps a range of items on her wishlist, from inexpensive to extravagant, and all have been surprised by fans’ generosity.

“One of my main gifters/Internet buddies got me a flat screen TV and a laptop,” says Kane. “Another got me a PS3; but those are rare AND special gifts. Usually I get DVDs, clothes, shoes, panties, and photography books, which I also love.”

“I got a dining room table,” says Nice. “That was amazing. I got a Wii and a Wii Fit….”

“One fan (and friend) enabled me to buy my dream Mac Pro, and another a Canon 5D Mark II camera,” says Seraph.  “And last year for my birthday I was given a boob job by the doctor of my choice, whenever I choose to do that.”

“My coolest gift was a card game called ‘Zombie Fluxx!,'” says Starr. “It’s a gamer’s dream! But if someone buys me the complete ‘Star Trek: the Next Generation’ box set, that will be my new coolest gift.”

So, in an environment where pornstars aren’t guaranteed cost of living adjustments to their paychecks, don’t receive health insurance or residuals, and by and large receive less money in their last year working than they do in their first (Holy Crap: Am I talking about me or them?), mightn’t it be sexy to acknowledge someone who gives you so much pleasure with a little gift?

“It’s a fetish to buy a pretty girl something she wants,” says Kane.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Show a porn star you love her with cash and gifts; Origin stories—Natasha Nice; Bobbi blows my mouth-axe; Yar’s Revenge—ST:TNG gets a porn parody; Making “The Facts of Life XXX”
See also: Kimberly Kane, Natasha Nice, Bobbi Starr, Kristina Rose, January Seraph wishlists

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

4 Comments

  1. One of my dream wishlist items is also the $300-ish Star Trek: The Next Generation box set!

    This post makes me feel lazy, because I have never sent out an 8×10 of myself, but I do email everyone who includes contact info. Once a season I take a group shot with all my cool presents, both to thank gifters, and remind people that I love gifts. Like this: http://www.feminisnt.com/2011/winter-gift-bonanza-thank-you-readers/

    I get more presents now that I blog. I encourage it on my sidebar as a way people can praise me if they enjoy my writing. People seem more likely to thank me for blogging than they do for my getting naked. My most expensive (and most used) gift is a fancy bedspread a fan sent me in 2004. It’s still on my bed.

    Gifts don’t make up for the money I’m losing in the recession, but it does keep me in free reading material. (Which, to me, is more important than latex thigh-highs.)

  2. “…Gifts don’t make up for the money I’m losing in the recession…” is a great point. It is nice, though, that (done the right way), there’s more of a culture in which fans can express their appreciation personally to performers who’ve affected them so personally.

  3. @Furry Girl and for the benefit of Ms. Starr (hasn’t she posted here, or did I dream it?): The individual seasons are all still available on Amazon.com for $40 each, which ends up not only being slightly cheaper, but gives multiple fans with less than $310 disposable income the opportunity to contribute towards the goal of owning the entire set. Also, the green cube complete series set is very cheaply packaged, and most owners don’t speak well of that.

    @Gram: try adding a few less-than-or-equal-to $10 items, and we’ll see what happens–as mentioned, we’ve got a recession on.

  4. Gram: What I find interesting is that I am most commonly given non-sexual items by fans/readers. I do have a bunch of cool sex toys – like the screw-in hardware used to attach a person to my bed – but given the choice even of books, they don’t send usually erotica/photo books, they send history, politics, science, that sort of thing. Perhaps I cultivate a different crowd that normal porn chicks, though. Most wishlists seem to be 80% Leg Avenue products.

    Norm: Good to know if I ever buy it for myself.

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