Covers of the week: The prehensile ass of Kiki Vidis

According to the Department of Invented Statistics, 98 percent of porn titles are bought on the basis of cover art alone (that’s why the designer Alaska is very important to Vivid-steve). Here are four boxcovers of movies I received this week that spoke to me personally.

Clockwise from top left:

  • Red Light District’s Toe Service 2 [watch] says that the rest of Audrianna Angel is not as important as her feet. And for foot fetishists, it isn’t.
  • New Sensations’ MILFs Crave Chocolate [watch] features Baby Jayne daring us to argue with her choice of Mr. Marcus, even if what he is wearing is an airbrushed Yankees cap. Also, Marcus seems to be saying “I’m’a fuck her on my way to killing you.” (Points off for not using the correct plural milves.)
  • The cover of Digital Sin’s She Likes It Big 3 [watch] does nothing to illuminate the title, and where Kiki Vidis’ ass says “pile driver” her crossed spiked heels just as loudly say “vagina dentata.” Still, great picture.
  • Finally, Pink Visual’s Slutty Campus Teens 5 [watch] has its attention in the wrong place, I think. Tyler Stevens should be looking at us, rather than the guy with the lanyard. The guy seems to be saying, “I’ve got this and you don’t.” If Stevens was looking at us and he was looking at her, she’d be saying, “I’d rather be with you than this mope.”

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Alternate dialogue for a MILF movie; Ed Fox: No mean feet; Eye candy: the 3.6 rule
See also: Red Light District, New Sensations, Pink Visual

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist


  1. I know I’ve been a bit out of touch for a few months, but when did “milves” become the accepted plural of “MILF”?

    Answers, man!

  2. Someone had to apply standards, Christopher, else we’d be stuck with chaos.

    Have you been in prison, by the way?

  3. LOL – nah, they can’t catch me. I’ve been away from the internet. It’s a foul place, this internet, and occasionally, one must take a sabbatical.

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