Since I am a Licensed Clinical Sexologist with a degree from a respected San Francisco college/bathhouse that allowed me to charge my tuition to my BART pass, I’ll tell you that whenever I read the word “hood” I think of “clitoral hood.” I think: “Red Riding Clitoral Hood. Yes. Ha ha. Very rich. Perhaps I will blog about it.”
Truth is, I can’t think of a better idea than to cast the virginal and winsome Lexi Belle as Little Red Riding Hood, can you? And that’s just the boxcover. With luck, it won’t all go downhill from here.
Studio: Triple X Parody
Director:Ashlynn Brooke
Starring: Lexi Belle, Juelz Ventura, Anthony Rosano, Kristina Rose, Danny Mountain, Carolyn Reese, James Franco, Magdalene St. Michaels
And yet it does, so fast. In “Red Riding Hood XXX,” Lexi Belle, trying to play wholesome, instead comes off as learning disabled, giggling and mincing, talking to herself and others in a high-pitched voice … it made me wonder what Max Hardcore might have done with the script.
But it was Ashlynn Brooke, famous for her New Sensations contract stardom and veteran of hundreds of porn scenes, who wrote and directed this movie. In a script that updates the fairy tale, Rachel aka “Red” (Belle) defies her cougar mom to traipse through the woods to her grandmother’s house, only to be seduced by Benjamin Bradley Wolf (Anthony Rosano). Wolf is aided in Grandma Diversion duties by Juelz Ventura.
In a business that is hurting for cash and needs to maintain a certain standard of quality, it is hard to believe that Brooke was allowed to make this movie, unless she financed it herself. Spelling errors in the titles, wooden acting, an air of pedo-baiting in Belle’s woman-child dramatic choices (in that both her mother and grandmother are sexually active in this movie and that Red herself flounces through the woods with a teddy bear, we’re dealing with a person who is either supposed to be underage or retarded) make for a movie that, but for the tattoos and higher pixel counts, could have been right at home in 1984 and directed by the questionably teddy bear-obsessed Bill Margold.
It’s odd that it takes a movie this bad to make a lot of today’s parody fare (save for “Flight Attendants“) seem sophisticated. In fact, it’s a movie like this that shows us how far porn has come.
I wanted to like this movie and I feel bad that I didn’t. That said, the sex seems to have directed itself with a great scene between Ventura and Magdalene St. Michaels. Anthony Rosano does his best with the tools he’s given, script-wise, and Kristina Rose, as contemporary Red in present-day England (I think this was because Rose’s scene partner, Danny Mountain, is British, rather than for anything suggested by the script or the production design) turns in a great scene.
The more I think about this movie, the more I can’t wait for Max Hardcore to get out of prison.
- Buy “Red Riding Hood XXX” here
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: (You) and Lexi Belle
See also: Triple X Parody
Dammit, I was hoping it was going to be at least decent, so I would have a Christmas present for my werewolf ex.
Sister, there’s no shortage of RRH porn. If the backlog doesn’t satisfy you, surely something will come out between now and X-mas.
I am very happy that people are beginning sentences with the word “Sister” again.
Really? I didn’t know there was such a glut of RRH stuff out there. I guess I am a little out of touch; I tend to go for either high gloss stuff or quote-unquote classics, so I’m more or less oblivious to the wider world of porn. Time to go a-hunting, I guess.