One of the many testaments to the thoughtful direction and restraint of “Rawhide II” is that it wasn’t named “Boner-anza.”

The movie gives us wholesome alternatives to overused terms of endearment like “You complete me,” “I feel safe with you,” and “Gram, you are my home and I will love you forever.”

If you were Delbert Grady, wouldn’t you like to correct Alix Lakehurst? And what is it about hotel hallways that makes women so vulnerable?

“Did you know that it’s unhealthy for you not to drain your balls?” asks Sky Taylor. Sadly, her appointment as Surgeon General was stalled.

I will be presenting the Best Actress trophy at this year’s XBiz Awards, but I am unsure of how I should comport myself.

Other than Count Chocula, today’s vampires tend to be fiercely attractive, homoerotic, or both. Moreover, because they can’t see their reflections, they are a post-mirror community supremely confident in their good looks.

“That’s a shitload of sex toys you’ve got there. What does this one do?”

“You put it up your ass,” I replied, “twist it, and stimulate your prostate. That’s what the ‘P’ stands for.”

For some, there is a connection between sexuality and shame, and it can be felt on both sides of the relationship. Asa Akira talks about that “What did I just do?” feeling

“You want me to talk about my money? Like what do I do with it? Oh! You said ‘bunny‘”

This movie is provocative but doesn’t answer an important question: In the rulebound world of lifestyle BDSM, should bitches get slapped for typos?

It was a different, more innocent time. “Hi, I’m Stoya. And you’re reading Porn Valley Observed, you lucky bastard.”

You think anyone else is looking out for your best interest? Come over here, Baby: I’ll take care of you.

“You can fuck me all you want,” says Nicki Hunter, but I have a feeling she’s just being nice. Still, I ain’t too proud for Nice.

Aletta Ocean has a body that says “Hungary is open for business.” The casual observer asks: why not fuck her until I disappear?

They put on a little show of yanking and straining against one another, these evil, delicious women, and yet I am left with no names. UPDATE: They are Shay Lynn and Jaded Dawn

I should probably dip my bread in Ava the next time I go to Papa Gino’s.

It was a tranquil time and, hours later, we gently nudged each other awake on the Mirage’s signature bedspreads.

Had Hillary Clinton worn her pantsuit as well, who knows who’d be President now?

I have always been America’s Beloved Porn Journalist, and you have always been the caretaker. And Aiden Starr? I corrected her.

Porn, as you have heard, is a visual medium. That is why so many of its professionals sport tattoos in languages they can’t read.