Had there just been a Professor Gape, this may have all gone better.
Studio: DreamZone Director: Jordan Septo
Starring: Katie St. Ives, Seth Gamble, Jessie Andrews, Tyler Nixon, Sammy Grand, Logan Pierce, Tara Lynn Foxx, Michael Vegas, Nora Skyy
If you had been struck deaf in some cataclysm and possessed but one piece of pornography, and if your most recent memories were from 1996 and you knew nothing of “Harry Potter,” then this “collector’s edition” of “Hairy Twatter” would be of great comfort to you.
Harry (Seth Gamble doing the best he can) is convinced by buddy Ron (Tyler Nixon) to get a spell from Hella Trix (Kate St. Ives) that will make pubes grow.
For this bald pussy I do not care
Give me much much hair
Do it now, do it in a rush
Give me a big big bush!
intones Harry, leaving poor James and Lily rowling in their graves.
Even the most awful porn movie—such as one ostensibly set in Britain and based on characters everyone knows but that doesn’t commit to English accents, can’t come to a consensus on the costumes, utilizes production design by IKEA, shies away from actual hairy bushes, and is so bold to suggest that a young wizard would have anything to do with the crazed witch who killed his godfather, even for a pube spell—can be salvaged by hot naked girls fucking in good lighting.
For this reason “Hairy Twatter” is a success. But who’d think we’d find something in our lifetimes to make the “Roseanne” and “Flintstones” parodies look good?
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