If I offended you by the bluntness of my headline, Readers, I apologize. But it is important for you to realize that, even though Wicked Pictures spared no expense in locations or securing a replica of the red and white football jacket sported by Tom Cruise in the original “Risky Business” and all of the cast are now Scientologists, Wicked’s version is a porn movie.
Set a few years after the action of the 1983 original, Wicked’s “Risky Business” (written and directed by Brad Armstrong) finds the protagonist, Joel (Kris Slater) safely at Princeton University when he is once again pressed into service as a pimp in aid of Lana (Kirsten Price).
This may be the most vivid allegory of the porn industry by a parody yet; a movie about prostitution interpreted by people who have sex for money but who do not consider themselves prostitutes.
We are at one of my favorite filming locations in Los Angeles. The Linda Vista Hospital is one of those places that served a purpose other than filming at one time but now stays open only for filming, much like Johnny’s Restaurant on the corner of Fairfax and Wilshire. The Linda Vista has been used for porn movies like “Malice in La La Land” and “Corruption” as well as mainstream fare like “A Nightmare on Elm Street.”
Several buildings sprawl across a lot on St. Louis Street near downtown L.A., and there are other commercial shoots on different floors. Jealous crewmembers filming a janitorial supply commercial ogle Misty Stone and Alektra Blue as they text in their off-time. They look at Dane Cross, here to take part in a gangbang of and in Misty Stone, with anger and confusion. He has glasses.
The rooms and halls of the Linda Vista are just barely maintained, which is why a scene set in a cheap motel room is perfect here. There is some douche on the floor (that douche is not me; I am standing up) and some Cetaphil so that ladies’ faces will look especially jizzy in the hardcore still pictures. On the wall are posters from various Wicked and VouyerMedia movies, because those are what adorn the walls of cheap motels, apparently.
Armstrong orders the lights be cooled so that the scene suggests night. Outside on St. Louis, however, an ice cream truck stops by the park across the street and plays its jingle throughout th ensuing sex scene.
On the bed are Slater and Price.
“Don’t be shy,” Armstrong directs Slater. “Do some fingerbangin’.”
Kris Slater gets a lot of parts where he is asked to be mild-mannered, and Kirsten Price is one of a handful of contract girls left on the planet, so it is understandable why he might be tentative.
But male performers are like assistant directors; they alone have permission to touch the precious commodities of contract girls and turn them this way and that, angling them into the best light, so Slater must also make sure that Price’s denim shirt falls in such a way that she looks more like Rebecca DeMornay in the original.
“Just have it hang right over her pubic bone,” says Armstrong, “so grab her right there.”
When cameraman Francois Clousot finishes shooting the scene, Armstrong asks for more fingerbangin’.
“You won’t break her,” he tells Slater.
“But thank you for being a gentleman,” Price says.
It is twilight by the time I leave, but inside Price and Slater are still working on their night moves.
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Wicked’s “Risky Business” will likely be a summer release.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: What would Bob Seger do?; Paige Turner reminds me of Daisy Buchanan; Humb Day with Lupe Fuentes
See also: Wicked
“They look at Dane Cross, here to take part in a gangbang of and in Misty Stone, with anger and confusion. He has glasses.”
There’s your Pulitzer, buddy.