This “Wet Dream” is worth the price of emission

It’s movies like the sweet and ridiculous “Wet Dream on Elm Street” that makes us fall in love with easy, naked women with big boobs all over again.

In the old days, when porn was made by projecting suggestive images onto cave walls by firelight, we used to say things like “You know what would be fun? What about ‘A Wet Dream on Elm Street’?” Years later it is impossible to enjoy a non-porn television show or movie without shuddering at the thought of its inevitable adult adaptation, because producers are afraid not to make parodies, even if that market is collapsing.

But Lee Roy Myers’ “A Wet Dream on Elm Street” is so silly and fun—and teeming with bodacious scream queens and hammy dudes who chew the scenery before blowing loads on it—that we can almost forgive a million “Not The Flintstones.”

Studio: Tom Byron Pictures
Director: Lee Roy Myers
Starring: Anthony Rosano, Jennifer White, Charley Chase, Sophie Dee, Giselle Leon, Gracie Glam, Tommy Pistol, Chris Johnson

It’s the 2-year reunion of Elm Street High, according to the sign (“Welcome 18+-year-olds to the Elm Street High School Reunion”), and Betty (Sophie Dee) wonders why only she, Charley Chase, and Gracie Glam bothered to show up. It seems they forgot all about the “sexual comas” that killed off their graduating class, as perpetrated by burned and beaten former shyster sex toy salesman Freddy (Anthony Rosano).

Lee Roy Myers’ “A Wet Dream on Elm Street” is absolutely ridiculous and impossible not to enjoy. Appearing to women in their sleep as he caresses them with cruel dildo fingers (we watch Freddy’s origin story as he is chased down by an angry mob for selling overpriced marital aids), Rosano’s Freddy is as quippy as Robert Englund was in the umpteen originals, except the porn adaptation delivers all the nudity a generation of frustrated teen audiences was denied by Wes Craven.

The loosely-structured plot culminates with Sophie Dee’s post-coital disarming of Freddy. Before that we are treated to scenes with the lovely Jennifer White, the built-for-business Charley Chase, and the outrageous-nippled Giselle Leon in scenes that don’t have too much to do with the story but Who Cares? What’s important in this movie is that a gleeful mood is established early, and then girls you want to see naked become that way.

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For example, the movie begins with what is retroactiovely a throwaway scene. Jennifer White has sex with her boyfriend (Chris Johnson, who is never heard from again), and then she is woken up by Freddy.

“Edward James Olmos! I can’t believe it!” she says.

“Why can’t anyone ever mistake me for a burnt Brad Pitt?” Freddy grouses to us.

It made me think of this Family Circus cartoon that I don’t know how or why I remembered (certainly not to quote in a porn review), but am grateful to the archives of the Aiken, SC Standard:

Not everyone could have pulled off this silliness, but Rosano and Pistol are such scenery chewers that you’re vicariously happy about the good time they seem to be having, and people like Chase and Dee are such fun girls already you know they’re on board for the clowning around.

I received the “Collector’s Edition” of this movie, which means I didn’t illegally download it. The extra disc includes Rosano-as-Freddy delivering relationship and sex tips, a “How Freddy Was Made” sequence, and Behind the Scenes footage demonstrating just why all these women should be your girlfriend.

  • Buy “A Wet Dream on Elm Street” here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: I’ll be your dream warrior, Jennifer White; “Turn it off!” George C. Scott in “Hardcore”
See also: Tom Byron Pictures

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