Japanese cartoons teach us to fuck the shame away

The western porn world has yet to match Japan in its depiction of shame. It’s like I tell my vegan friends: “I recognize the nutritional value of tofu and beans as a protein substitute for meat, but how can you simulate the taste of animal fear?”

Studio: Adult Source Media
Director: Wendy Crawford

“Titty, Titty, Bang, Bang,” a hentai, or Japanese pornographic cartoon, contains all the great themes of that country’s illustrated or live-action pornography (aside from tentacle sex, sadly), which are liberal doses of whimsy, fantasy, and shame, shame, shame.

The movie opens with a comely nymph (Professor Aioka) unable to control her need for herself. As she crouches under the eaves of her university, her lips and brow quivering, she is filled with competing revulsion at and compulsion toward her masturbatory needs.

“Why am I doing this here?” she cries. (Squish, squish, splurp, squish.)

As we follow her into the bathroom, her worst fears and desires are realized! She is discovered! By a student! Shame! The student then sort-of rapes her (but she wants it, so there’s double-shame points there).

“I came a lot, Professor,” says the snide student, leaving the poor (turns out she was a virgin, too!) professor on the floor. “Thanks.”

What follows is a collection of unrelated snippets that, even though they are clearly from different movies, all return unfailingly to themes of voyeurism, repressed desires, consensual rape, and R. Crumb-worthy splurshing sounds. Also some fairies.

In fact, big breasts, despite their suggestion in the title, aren’t as emphasized as are demonstrative pools of semen and “pussy juice.”

These fragments would tell us a lot about Japanese culture if we were the type to believe that a culture’s pornography is any indication of that culture’s values. But I refuse to believe this on the grounds that, just down the street from me, someone is still trying to persuade Octomom to take her clothes off.