Lee Roy Myers: The Last Man Working in Porn

Lee Roy Myers is Canadian.

“I don’t know what that has to do with it,” the prolific director of slick porn parodies, couples’ fare, and lesbian romps says.

But then he reconsiders.

“Well, it might have everything to do with it,” he says, shifting on a bar stool in Los Feliz. “I mean, I try to be polite.”

Like Gordon Lightfoot or Robert Service busting rhymes about the wide Canadian prairie, Myers recently made a decision to leave a comparatively stable gig and set off on his own, offering his services to several companies in an effort to own some of the projects he’s written, produced, or directed.

“I am extremely proud to have had the opportunity to work for New Sensations,” Myers stated in the press release announcing his departure. “[But] I promise you, the best is yet to come.”

Myers put together a couple dozen movies in the two years he worked at New Sensations, churning out more parodies than the competition, including porn versions of “The Office,” “Cheers,” “The Golden Girls,” and “The Big Lebowski.”

He also started a Romance line of housewife-friendly porn—at least housewives who don’t want to rip Lexi Belle’s eyes out.

“There’s a little triumph and a little regret in each one of those,” Myers said. “I like to think we got really close.”

Indeed, part of the marketing push for parodies in particular involves the courtship of mainstream gossip and entertainment sites like Perez Hilton, TMZ, and G4TV, all of which have featured Myers’ parodies in winking, “we shouldn’t be showing you this” segments.

But the biggest mainstream acceptance has come from the actual cast of Comedy Central’s “Reno 911,” who both reviewed Myers’ porn adaptation on influential comedy website “Funny Or Die” and screened expurgated clips of the parody in front of a packed audience at L.A.’s Upright Citizens Brigade theatre.

With porn’s dwindling job opportunities, it might have come as a surprise that Myers left New Sensations over too much work.

“I hadn’t had a vacation.” Myers said. “And out of a few dozen productions, I didn’t own any of them.”

But for people who’ve managed to keep a steady income in porn, Myers’ departure from New Sensations was not a surprise. It makes sense to scatter one’s seed.

“I had to diversify my portfolio,” Myers said, “and that had to include at least partial ownership of the projects I put together.”

To this end, Myers has set up partnerships with companies like Adult Source Media, which will distribute his new imprint, Nightingale Pictures, a high-end lesbian line [see review of “Miss Conduct” here].

He also has partnerships in two licensing companies, SoCal Licensing and Sunrise Media, which handle broadcast and mobile rights for porn content around the world (SoCal) and in his native Canada (Sunrise).

And soon he will begin directing “Human Sexipede” for Tom Byron Pictures.

“I’m hoping it will be so shocking you’ll want to jerk off to it,” Myers said.

Based on the terrifying “Human Centipede,” about a crazed doctor who fuses victims together, his “Sexipede,” Myers hopes, will bring new meaning to the term “Ass To Mouth.”

“Tom Byron stars as the insane Dr. Heiter, and his experimentees are Sunny Lane, Danica Dillon, and Keni Styles,” Myers said. The cast will also include Amber Rayne, Briana Blair, Jynx Maze, Jordan Ash, and Evan Stone.

I believe “Human Sexipede” makes way more sense than the “Seinfeld” porn.

One of the hallmarks of Myers’ work is its collaborative nature with a crew (including his wife, Honey) that he has built up over the past few years. I asked if he got to take his New Sensations crew with him.

“I don’t think anyone should be in a position to deny anyone work if work is available,” Myers said. “So I will definitely be working with my crew again, including the great Paul Woodcrest, Dr. Philgood, Ralph Long, Freddy Fingers, Brian Street Team, Hugh Boom, Chad Lee, Marko B., Glenn Alfonso, Maria, Honey Myers (“I met her on the Internet”), Eddie Adams, Crystal D. Lite, Clarice Mori, and Bensen Herst. These guys are the absolute best crew working in adult today. And they’re my friends. It’s hard not to be loyal with friends this skilled.”

But it is notable that, in New Sensations’ press release for the Upright Citizens Brigade showing of the “Reno 911” porn, Myers’ name was not mentioned among the attendees.

“What would it have hurt them to mention you?” I asked.

“Can’t comment on that one,” Myers said.

It illustrates how bare bones porn has become that, for no other reason than he is so longer with the company, New Sensations feels that the mention of Myers’ name is a threat to market share.

But it still seemed like a petty omission, considering that the cast members who were listed in the release aren’t exclusive to New Sensations, either.

“No comment,” Myers said.

With regard to market share, Myers thinks that the war against piracy is a losing one.

“The only way to compete with free is if you’re actually giving away money,” he said. “But we can still create things that can’t be easily chopped up and that have a quality to them that doesn’t make sense if they’re just in tiny pieces.”

Such as?

“If you make a movie with scenes that make you want to see the ones before and after them.”

And is that why parodies make sense?

“Depends on who is doing them.”

I asked Myers what he thought of reviews.

“I will typically see a link for a review and automatically get nauseous,” he said. “I take reviews to heart, and I always expect the worst.

“I then take a breath, and travel across cyberspace to the proper page. I say that ‘I am over 18’ (I believe that I must say it out loud, like an oath of honesty), and then after a few seconds, there it is in front of me. And then I read it, and make my decision as to whether I got a good one, a bad one, or a stupid, ill-informed one.

“Of course, I love to read a great review. And I have been very fortunate that I have read plenty. And, of course, I feel that there were a couple movies that I did in the very beginning that could have been improved, so I respect a bad review if they call me on the mistakes I made. And sure, some people don’t even watch the movies they review, and some are just looking to throw me in a paragraph with Axel [Braun] and Will [Ryder] and add a “Best,” “Second Best,” and “Miss Congeniality” next to our names, and expect that to be enough.”

Is it?

“Well, for some, I’m sure it is. I’m not like that. I respect writers that write with integrity in an article or review, and give me some constructive criticism so that I can improve on the spots that they perceive as weak.”

Well leave Loni Anderson alone, jerk.

“Fine. But I’m still a firm believer that there is money to be made in porn, so I’m really looking forward to keeping some of it.”

Then you’ll really be on Carefree Highway.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: “Last Man Working” archive